The job seemed perfect. The interviews went well. The people were nice. Even the commute was OK. But, they hired someone else. AARGH! For most job seekers, rejection happens far too often. Since we aren’t accustomed to frequent rejections, it can be very discouraging.
In a recent exchange of comments on 15 Things I Look for When I Interview People for a Job, one job seeker made this comment:
I have gotten compliments on my CV, provided a portfolio of my work, smiled, and was naturally myself. The interviewer responses were always quick when emailed questions. I thought I did well but I was shot down. It is funny that you think you do most of the right things, but they may be all wrong.
Certainly, we can all probably find ways to improve, but don’t assume – because you didn’t land a job you really wanted – that you are also a failure and will never find a new job.
PLEASE do NOT see rejections as proof that you are “all wrong”
Don’t let any job rejection destroy your confidence. You may not be perfect – but who is?
In fact, this job seeker may have done very well, but was aced out because someone else had a friend inside the company who referred them (the candidate almost always preferred by an employer) or someone else had a fabulous reference or excellent “chemistry” with the boss. Or any of thousands of other things – ALL having NOTHING to do with him!
After my second layoff, one of the outplacement counselors handed out a sheet of paper with “No.” printed on it 100 times, like this:
No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No. No.
(etc.)
The instructions at the top of the page said -
There are 100 Nos on this page. Every time you get rejected or ignored,
cross off a No. Before you reach 100, you will have gotten the YES that
means you have a job offer.
Each “No” brings you closer to that YES – the job you’ve been waiting for.
A friend, also laid off at the same time (and a recruiter, no less), kept that page posted on her refrigerator, and she did cross off one No for every rejection she received. She filled several lines before she landed her job.
Sometimes a “No” isn’t really the end.
I remember when I was trying so hard to get into the company that laid me off 13 years later. I was interviewing for every job there I could find, often referred by a classmate’s kind and patient husband who already worked at this company (highly recommended method of connecting with a job!).
In literally the same mail delivery that contained the offer letter that started my career at that company, there was a rejection letter from the recruiter for a different part of that company. So I was accepted and rejected in the same mail by the same company! And, that rejection letter wasn’t the first one I received from the company, either!
Naturally, I accepted the acceptance and happily went on to work there for 13 mostly fun years.
In “Why NO Isn’t Always the End of a Job Search Story,” Ronnie Ann tells the stories of two people who succeeded spectacularly at employers which originally rejected them. Read it, and be inspired or, at least, encouraged!
What to do when you get that “No.”
As I advised the job seeker who wrote the very discouraged comment at the top of this post:
Yes, you didn’t get the job. However, try not to think of it as being “shot down.” And, if you like this employer, don’t give up yet!
There are SO incredibly many variables involved in the process that it’s better to think of it as bad luck or a bad match.
Look at it this way – someone with a better connection inside the company or a better response to a key interview question or exactly the right timing in the process (first interviewed or last interviewed or interviewed by the person who ended up as the key decision makers) or who-knows-what got the job. A better job is waiting for you.
NOW, do these 2 things:
1.) Send them a thank you note.
For NOT hiring you? Yes! IF you still might want to work for them some day.
Thank them for the opportunity to learn more about them and the organization. Ask them to keep you in mind for the “next time” they have a job open and to stay in touch.
2.) Ask them for feedback.
Do they see anything you do to improve and become a more viable candidate? If they respond, you could learn a lot from the process.
Meanwhile, look back over the process yourself, and see what you might learn from it. What do you think you could improve? Avoid this kind of employer? Add more achievements to your CV? Develop better answers to the why-should-we-hire-you question? Follow up more quickly or differently? Or do more pre-interview research? Consider questions would you ask next time that you didn’t ask this time?
It may sound crazy, but the thank-you-for-not-hiring-me works! IF the person who accepted the offer ends up going instead to another employer or they don’t work out, the next person on the “almost-but-not-quite” list may get an offer. You may be at the top of that list if you sent a good follow-up to the rejection letter.
And, while it is not often that someone will share feedback with a rejected applicant, if you feel you have “connected” with one of the employees, see if you can get an idea of what you did well and what you might have done better. Truly, do seek feedback – don’t try to convince them that they should hire you instead. If you can get feedback, it is golden for you! None of us really sees ourselves as others see us, and this is a chance to see how the “other side” viewed you, your resume, LinkedIn Profile, interview answers, etc.
Bottom Line
There are probably things you could have done better, since no one is perfect and we all improve with practice (hopefully!). But try to think of every rejection as bringing you one step closer to that better job that is waiting for you, just around the corner.
Good luck with your job search!
Excellent article Susan. I used to think that people who began to lose self-esteem during a long job search were foolish to do so – because, after all, that’s not a reflection of an individual’s expertise or worth. My own experience has shown me how naive I was.
After 3 or 4 months of searching, I felt the sting of the current economy. I second-guessed my competency because I was laid-off. My employer *said* it was because of budget and not performance and I clung to that. Encouragement from others gave me much-needed boosts.
After 6 months I examined my job search strategy. I figured I must be doing something technically wrong. I overhauled my resume. I added multitudes of locations, job boards, and company websites to my search. I broadened my search to include positions from around the country. I began to be more intentional about networking.
After a year, the self-doubt began to overwhelm me. It MUST be me. Every doubt about my layoff, about what positions I had “dared” to applied for, about how others must view me and secretly wonder about the “real” reasons I was unworthy of being hired – or must not be really working very hard at it – daily lapped at the shores of my identity.
After 18 months (where I am now), my objectivity is shot. My ability to talk myself out of a funk is stunted. Any question from others on what I’m doing with my days, or advice on how to better conduct my job search, feels like stabbing criticism of my character and reinforces what I fear may be true about myself. Words of encouragement feel like pity and outright lies.
During this time, I’ve realized how much of my self-worth was tied up in my career and being good at what I do. I’ve realized that I can’t put the rest of my life on hold just because this one part of it isn’t progressing in the way I want. I’ve begun to do more consulting and cling to the positive feedback I’ve received. I’ve had only 2 in-person interviews during this time, but have received very positive feedback. I’m finally a finalist on one of those jobs.
At this point, I believe I need to make the choice to step forward in the faith that what I’ve known to be true about myself in the past is still true. I am choosing to take whatever life hands me with gratitude. Within the next few weeks, I’ll find out about the current job I’m a finalist for and/or a great short-term consulting gig that I’ve bid for and feel hopeful about. If neither of those pan out, I’ll be shifting to finding full-time clerical work to supplement my savings and keep me going financially. I’m planning on taking a month or two “off” in the larger job search.
I no longer count on there being anything around the next corner. However, I’m choosing to believe that corners still exist and that I still need to go around them.
Hi Denise!
What a wonderful, thoughtful, insightful comment! You have written about your experiences VERY eloquently! If you don’t make your living as a writer, you should definitely think about it!
It is SO true about our identity being tied up with our job. I remember meeting some people very shortly after my last layoff. The other people introduced themselves by giving their name, job title, and employer. I actually said, “My name is Susan Joyce, and I’m nobody.” Simply because I didn’t have a job – clearly, in MY own mind – I was “nobody!” YIKES!
It sounds like you have a solid plan for moving forward. Don’t underestimate the value of the experience you are gaining running your own consulting business – being an entrepreneur (even if done involuntarily) provides excellent “learnings” for any job you hold in the future.
Good luck with those interviews! Who ever is smart enough to hire you will be very glad they did.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you! Please stay in touch and let me know when and where you land.
Regards!
Susan
Thanks, Susan. That means a lot. We talked about me writing for you if you recall!
Denise,
I really appreciated your comments. I have been looking for work in my preferred field for 2 years now. I have plenty of work, perhaps too much work, but not what drives me or professionally challenges me.
I recently applied for the job I have wanted for much of my career with an organization that speaks to me professionally and personally. It was very disappointing that they sent me the dear john email. But am re-living my disappointment over again this afternoon upon hearing who the successful candidate was. I have pretty much given up on pursuing my chosen field and going back to the drawing board. I have juggled 7 different jobs over the past year, all being casual or term. Any advise?
Hi Suzanne,
Don’t give up on that target organization so quickly! And, send them a thank you for the time and consideration showed you, and the opportunity to meet the people and learn more about this organization which “speaks to me professionally and personally.”
The last job I had, before I started my business, took me several attempts (and dear john letters) before I finally made it through the process and was hired. I received an offer letter in the same mail as a rejection letter from a different recruiter in a different department of the same company. I enjoyed working at that job (and subsequent jobs there) for 13+ years.
Then, working on getting to know people who work at your target employer. LinkedIn makes it much easier than it was in the past. If you can find an ally “on the inside,” that will be a big boost to your efforts at getting a job there.
Forgive them for not hiring you this time and for mistakenly choosing that other person. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally, right? Just make sure you’re visible to them for “next time.”
Don’t give up on this dream too quickly, even if you need to “make do” with a different employer for a while.
Good luck!
Susan
Suzanne, I’m not sure if your comment was really meant for me or not? I’ve been thinking about your situation.
Don’t put everything on hold for the “someday” when you get a job with your chosen employer. At the same time – don’t give up! I don’t know what you’ve tried to get into this company, but some “best practices” around getting in the door someplace specific apply.
Some ideas:
* As Susan said – LinkedIn! LinkedIn has an “InMail” feature that lets you send an email to anyone. (They charge $5/InMail I think, but guarantee a response or it’s free.)
* Send a note to the hiring manager for the position letting them know you’re interested in future opportunities with them. Be direct about wanting to work for the company, and don’t sound desperate. (A fine line, I know!)
Connect with the hiring manager for an informational interview. Ask them what sorts of skills, education, or work experience would improve your chances as a candidate in the future.
If the person they hired doesn’t work out, you want to be on their minds as someone to call. Whatever you do, don’t say anything negative about the person they did hire. All it will do is make you look bad.
* Find a similar company or competitor and do an informational interview with them.
If you have difficulty believing any company could be as great as this one, write down all the things you think are important. Examples might be “great pay” “important mission” “global travel” “well-known, big name.” Maybe no other company has all the things you want, but you may find one with 7 out of 10 similarities that you could expand your search net to.
* Use the job title, department title, and bosses job title to search for other organizations with those positions. Explore. Review the typical requirements for those positions. Beef up your resume by articulating those things you do have and work on gaining the knowledge, skills, or experience for the things you don’t have.
*Connect with a recruiter and work with them to define what you are looking for. They can keep you in mind and/or point you in the right direction.
I hope some of this is helpful. I encourage you to do the best you can to be satisfied with the “now” while still looking to the “someday.” When you feel the natural anger or sadness about this current loss, try to notice the thought and let it slide on through you and out the other side. (I call that putting temporary Teflon on my heart.)
And take care of yourself! Maybe you can pare down from 17 jobs (haha
) to 2 or 3. Consider letting go of the ones that require the highest energy for the lowest return. Perhaps easing the pressure will help the “now” be more manageable and less of a place to need escape from.
This job was out there…. another one will come.
Hi Denise,
Another wonderful comment! Thank you!
Just one point – in order to send InMail through LinkedIn, you need to upgrade your account (monthly fee, depending on how much you want to do with it). Through the upgraded account, the cost of a single InMail is $10, but I don’t think they guarantee a response – not that I could find. So, I would double-check for that guarantee.
For most people the free LinkedIn account is sufficient. The Company Profile section provides an amazing amount of information based on employees (and former employees) who are LinkedIn members – who works there now, as well as who worked there in the past, plus things like where most employees who are LinkedIn members went to college, levels of education, job function, etc. A gold mine of information!
Good luck!
Susan
Hi Suzanne:
I have been through various interviews for a management position I applied for at a Financial Institution. I have 24 years of experience in the field and seven years of experience in managent. I have been told in two occasions that I was not selected for the position; one because there was an internal promotion and the other because there was an internal employee who was granted a transfer to this position. I recently called the recruiter to let her know I was interested in a job posting for one of their centers. She informed me that the Area Manager in charge of this Center was the same person that had interviewed me and that she will let him know of my interest. Today I received an email from the recruiter, who I need to say has been great throughout the whole process, where she indicates that the Area Manager replied that he hopes to reach a decision on my candidacy for the Manager position within a week. What do you think will I get the job?
Hi Maria,
I can’t say whether or not you will get the position as I am not privy to the process. What I can say is that it is a good sign they are evaluating you for the job…Make sure you make yourself available to answer any questions they may have should they be interested in another interview.
Good luck and keep me posted.
All the Best,
Chandlee
Hi Chandlee,
Not really sure where to post this question, but figured this may be a good spot?
I applied and interviewed for a job at a company that I have been trying to get into since I graduated college 5 years ago. Although it went great, it’s been 6 weeks since that interview and I have not heard anything from the recruiter despite my efforts (follow up emails, even one with an article attached on the company). I keep an eye on the website and have noticed that the position is still up but also noticed that there is a new position posted that also matches my skills closely. I want to apply to this position but am not sure if I should because 1) I don’t know where I stand with the first job and 2) I think this position reports to the same hiring manager as the first position.
I’m not really sure what to do? Your thoughts would be great!
Mary,
The best way to get a response is to go straight to the hiring manager and follow up with them — either by phone or e-mail.
Reiterate your continued interest in the job for the interview you had six weeks ago, and express your additional interest in the new role — since it also matches your current skills. Let them know you will be applying for the position as well — and clearly outline how your skills fit with the job in your cover letter.
Be honest that working at the company has been your long-term goal since college — and that you sincerely hope you’ll have the opportunity to contribute to their team in the future.
Good luck,
Chandlee
Susan,
I made it to second and final round interviews after being told I was one of three final candidates. I was told the hiring decision would be made in one month (mid-June), and to be in touch then if I hadn’t heard. I got in touch on the 15th, and the director apologized, saying they had already hired for the position.
However, he mentioned that the organization would be actively hiring one more candidate for the same position in late August, and requested we get in touch then.
I guess I’m just wondering how much faith I should put in this request. Is it possible he’s trying to let me down easy? Merely keep me as back-up? This is my dream job, but I’m not sure how I feel about being the latter. I’m of course applying for other jobs to be safe, but should I still have hope?
Thanks,
J
Hi Jacqueline,
I’m with Denise. Do follow-up.
I came in second for a job once and got hired a year later. It was the best job that I ever had — and remained my dream job until the day I left for more money. Don’t give up…
All the Best,
Chandlee
J,
My opinion is that, if this is your dream job, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by following up in August. That said, definitely don’t depend on them behaving any differently than they have previously. Keep applying elsewhere. Send the thank-you card if you haven’t already.
If you feel like the hiring manager may be amenable to it, you may want to try calling or emailing the hiring manager and ask something like this..
“Thank you again for the opportunity to interview before and for letting me know about the upcoming job possibility. Would you be willing to let me take you out for coffee or meet with me for about a half-hour? I would love to get an idea about this position and also get some feedback on what I can improve on or highlight to do better on this next round.
Right now July x,x,and x are open for me. I would really appreciate any insight you may have.”
And then follow-up by phone if you don’t hear from him/her within about a week.
Best of luck and congratulations on getting that far in the previous job process!
Denise G.
Susan,
I have been actively searching for my next job for 3 1/2 years, after all three previous companies that I’ve worked for either closed or relocated out of state. After hundred’s of resumes sent, and only half responding with a rejection letter, not counting the few that I have actually been interviewed for, I am now very frustrated, depressed, and wondering what it is about me that they don’t like. My self esteem is quite low at this point. I also know that my age, at 59 years old, and my many years of experience can be a hinderance to many perspective employers. After each interview that I have had, I do follow up with a thank you letter or e-mail, emphazing my qualifications that would fit well with the company. However, that’s when the waiting game begins, and for many of us, we often don’t hear back whether or not they have even hired anyone for that position. This has made me very angry…we are expected to display a sense of professionalism in an interview, yet they do not reciprocate. I am very close to sending letters out to these employers, asking them if they did hire someone for the position, and if so, question them on why they would not think we would require their professional courtesy by letting us know. I certainly know that will not get me a job there in the future, however, I’m not sure I would want to be employed by someone who lacked that courtesy anyway.
Hi Marilyn,
I am so sorry to hear of the extended process and search that you are going through. Given the length of your search and lack of follow-up from employers in the process, I recommend you try a different tactic: if you can, meet with a job search coach or hiring manager for tips and best practices as you apply.
In most cases — especially if you do not have previous relationships with anyone at the company — hiring is not a personal decision (even though it can feel that way). In my experience, part of the challenge that applicants face is that of perspective. When we apply for jobs, we tend to see ourselves as the applicant. When employers view our applications, we can be one of 50, 60 or even a 100. Even in the best of situations, the process is a highly competitive one.
A job search coach can help you with strategies that enable you to stand out in the pool. If you are in the U.S., I also recommend programs and resources available through the AARP or Job-Hunt.org.
Good luck and keep us posted.
All the Best,
Chandlee
Hi
I am currently a contractor working at a company that I really like. I fit in well with the group that I’m in and love the work that I’m doing and was told I’m doing extremely well. A position within this same group opened up and I applied and interviewed for it. After the interview was over I was told that there was one other candidate that is also in the running and he has a different skillset and they need both his and my skillset (but only one job). She stated she is having a tough time making a decision between me and this other guy. I was then told that they did extend my contract for another 7 months and that another position will open up next month within a different group. I was very confident before the interview and now I’m feeling not so confident based on the last few comments from the interviewer (who also is the manager that I’m working with). If I don’t get the position how do I handle this rejection? I would really like to find a permanent job and not contract and feel this rejection is going to make me feel I need to leave and not finish the contract. Granted I haven’t gotten the rejection yet, and will find out next week, but it really has me bummed. Horribly.
Thanks for your input
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
As tough as it is, be kind to yourself: It sounds like the company very much values the work that you do and your contributions to the team. Often a hard reality is that companies will hire new staff with skills and experience they currently don’t have but need. It sounds like this may be happening here and it has nothing to do with you — at all.
Hang tight, keep an open mind and see what comes up if this opportunity doesn’t go your way — it sounds like there may be other openings in the very short-term and as if they’ve already made a commitment to keep you on for a while longer.
Good luck and all the very best,
Chandlee
Is it okay to call the interviewer after you have not been chosen for the job and ask what could you have done better in the interview? Or even ask what was the deciding factor that they were looking for which you didn’t have in order to improve your skills for the next interview?
LP,
Yes, it is absolutely okay to do that. If the interviewer has the time and graciousness to give you the feedback, it can also help you stay “top of mind” if anything else opens up.
I think this is a good idea and would encourage you to do so. With this attitude, you should be competitive in the future!
All the Best,
Chandlee
Hi Chandee-
I was kind of hoping not to be writing again but alas, I am. I have been on my job search now for 4 1/2 months. According to this forum that is a very small amt of time, but for someone who has always worked it seems like forever, My story is that I prior to last April, I have been at my previous employer for 13 years. I was recruited to another position last March from an old “friend” in my industry that made me a very attractive offer that I could not refuse. I was not even looking. I accepted this psoition which came with many challenges, but I overcam ALL of them, made my quartely bonus, only to have them tell me 4 mos later that I was being let go. Why? NO reason. Florida is a right to work state.Turns out that my supervsor/friends boss did not like her and I was her hire. She is gone now as well. It is what it is, and I cant change it and it was a huge learning experience for me. I cant go back to my former employer prior to that as they have since lost the management contract and are not in this area any longer. I have an excellent resume, I am very personable, do well at interviews. Actually in the last month I have had 2 where I was 1 of 3 top candidates, but was not chosen. I cant help but think it is because of this 4 month job on my resume even though prior to that I have had long term tenures. There are no gaps in my resume since August as I am working with my brother at the moment. I had an interview yesterday that went very well, and another next week that I got from my many connections. Problem is I am totally loosing my confidence. Another problem is that I was making a large salary before and I am willing to obviously start at a much lower salary, but as I was a hiring manager I think these companies will think I will leave at the first opportunity, but I can’t lie about that as that is always a question. Any help is appreciated and I thank you for being able to vent.
Ok, I am sounding little desperate right now. I graduated with 2 bachelor degrees and I can’t even get hired into a entry level position in a degree related field. I have a degree in BA and one in MIS and currently working on another degree in accounting. I applied for an entry level position in accounts payable and after waiting for 3 weeks I finally got a no answer. I don’t know what I did wrong. I am seriously considered leaving out my college degrees in my resume. I am currently working in an unionized work place and I see people got promoted base on seniority not on education and past work experience. How am I going to get experience if no one will hire me, I can do the job, I am not stupid. I am ambitious, goal driven, and I can prove it. For example, I completed 2 degrees in less than 3 and 1/2 years while working full time and still have a 3.4 GPA. And, yet, I can’t even get an entry level job in my degree related field. I am thankful I have a full time job with benefits but at the same time I see people in my union job with no college degrees in supervisory positions really depresses me. Thank you for letting me vent.