I’m not exactly sure how it happens, but otherwise delightful and totally rational people become stark raving loony-tunes nuts crazy leading up to and more importantly after an interview. Somehow the hiring process and very act of interviewing for a job triggers what I like to call the post interview temporary OCD blues.
“They haven’t called yet.”
I know.
“They still haven’t called yet.”
It’s only been five minutes since you last told me that.
“But I interviewed THREE whole hours ago. Why aren’t they calling me?”
This goes on for most of the next two or three weeks, in which time you’ve called or sent notes at least 6 times, until you finally get the call for the second interview. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! You feel your old self returning.
And then it starts all over again. Oh sure…the job interview went well, but right after the interview you feel the signs of temporary OCD returning. The obsessive thoughts and the compulsive need to contact them and make them act NOW! NOW. NOW!!!
“I know they liked me. They seemed to like me. Oh god…why didn’t they like me!”
I’m sure they did.
“Was that the phone?”
No. The dog sneezed.
“Why won’t they call me? Those self-absorbed, insensitive bastards. Don’t they know I’m waiting???? I hate all of them.”
It’s only been three days and they’re interviewing other people.
“It’s a stupid job anyway. If they don’t call by tomorrow, I don’t even want it any more.”
Makes total sense. I understand.
“That’s it. I’m done with the idiots.”
Good plan. Why be open to a job you want?
Just then the phone rings. You get the job. Wuhooo! You’re thrilled because truth be told they all seemed really nice and the job is everything you ever wanted.
After an interview why do folks just get crazy looney-tunes nuts?
So what happened to you? Why did obsessive-compulsive behavior take hold of an otherwise lovely person’s body and brain?
Of course, we know it’s an awful, stressful process where you have absolutely no control over what they do or how soon they do it. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing back in as little as a day and waiting as long as four loooong months for jobs where I was the top candidate.
There is no absolute rule or standard when it comes to the job interview hiring process. I’m sorry. I wish there were. I know it sucks. But seriously…driving yourself crazy by trying to second-guess what you can’t possibly know about is not worth it. Sometimes emergencies happen. Or huge rush projects. Or people get sick. Or there are behind-the-scenes negotiations or politics. And none of it is about you.
The best thing you can do is give the very best job interview you can and then just wait. Seriously. Sure, a pleasant note or two and an occasional call can help move things along – sometimes. But I suggest you do these things without getting tied to an actual result on your time schedule. They will move at their pace no matter what we do.
So what can you do in the meantime?
Things to Do While Waiting After an Interview
- At the most basic level, try daily breathing exercises. A good one suggested by Dr. Andrew Weil is to breathe in to a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and breathe out for a count of 8. I do it and it helps.
- Take up a new hobby – something you’ve always wanted to try. Yoga. Meditation. Tai chi. Tae kwon do. Knitting. Painting. Photography. Guitar. Acting. Whatever piques your interest or moves your spirit.
- Rent LOTS of movies and re-direct your obsessive behavior in that direction. Not sure a therapist would suggest that, but I’m just trying to get you through the interview process.
(To keep costs down, you can always join NetFlix for a month or two and then stop.) - Go to the library or local bookstore and find a bunch of books you’ve been meaning to read. This is the time.
- Volunteer somewhere. Turn your energy into something that helps others.
- Enlist the help of your friends and loved ones and make sure you get them to do things with you that keep your mind occupied.
- Also try putting your extra energy into doing extra things for people you care about. Hard to stay too obsessed about the interview, when you’re obsessing about…I mean doing something wonderful for a loved one.
- Keep looking for jobs! No matter how great this one job is, it helps to keep the energy aimed at finding work you really want. Sometimes an even better job comes along during this time.
- Write about your thoughts and feelings. And let your thoughts fly. Maybe even write a short story about a character going through what you’re going through. Maybe even give the protagonist super-powers to break through barriers and make things happen.
- Or make your story into a great country or blues song! “I’m waiting too long. They done me wrong.”
- Exercise. Even if it’s only walking 10-20 minutes a day. Movement is good for helping get you out of the obsessive thoughts. Use the time to think about something you like to do or someone you love or a place you would like to visit. (No…not the office where you interviewed. Sheesh.)
- Singing while exercising or even on its own helps redirect your thoughts. For me…it’s show tunes or good ole rock ‘n roll.
- If all else fails, I use bad TV to get lost in. Oh sure…it’s not a prescription for mental health, but we’re just talking about making it through the interview process!
Would love to hear your suggestions and thoughts. How do you stay sane during the post-interview, temporary OCD blues?
***
Related Work Coach Cafe posts:
After an Interview: Can Weekly Follow-up Calls and Emails Help Get You the Job?
After the Job Interview: Why Haven’t They Called Me Yet?
Stuck in the Waiting Game After 2nd Interview
12 Ways to Stay Sane After a Job Interview
And for those of you looking for some interview tips:
15 Things I Look for When I Interview People
New Work Coach Cafe Policy:
Sorry but I’m no longer able to answer all questions. Short ones have a better chance, but I still might not get to your question. Feel free to browse for answers in Career Topics & Archives or by using the Work Coach Cafe search. Good luck!
An entertaining, idea-filled post, Ronnie Ann. I’m reminded of a time when I was laid off when the ad agency I was working for started losing business and shrinking. As I freelanced and looked for another full-time gig, I found myself running around during the day—client meetings, sure, but also the library and the grocery store and the gym. And when I wasn’t busy panicking about needing another full-time job, I had an epiphany that there was a life outside advertising, life outside work. Before too long, I found a new job and am enjoying it thoroughly, but that glimpse into the non-work world helped me define myself a little less by what I do and a little more by who I am.
Sleeping pills.
Just kidding!
Actually, I think the best thing for me is to do my best to not be attached to the outcome. Like you (Ronnie Ann) said, do your best and then “wait” — or in my words, “let it go.” What helps me the most is (1) to recall other times where waiting yielded good results, and (2) meditation (a good tape/CD/mp3 to help relax me first works wonders.)
Nice trip into the mind after the interview. I’ve been there before several times, but I’ve learned that there are certain things you can’t control in life.
But I like the idea of continuing to look for jobs because I believe strongly in the value of a Plan B or potential Plan B. And exercise? Yes, but that’s a regular thing for me anyway.
Hi all! Thanks for the great comments.
Hi Terry B! Nicely said. So easy to feel lost when we’re out of work, but your point about defining ourselves by who we are and not what we do for a living is well worth remembering.
Hey eLiz! Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh. I knew you were kidding of course. “Just let it go” is a great mantra. And I like the suggestion to remember times when waiting paid off or some other good memory. Always helps to replace a scary thought with a comforting one.
Hi Rick! Yes…always good to have a Plan B – and maybe even C and D. Hmmm…come to think of it, that’s how I built most of my career. You too, I think.
Ronnie Ann
I used to watch my phone after interviews. Making sure I had enough “bars” so I won’t miss a call. It usually didn’t ring….unless I wasn’t even expecting it.
For the last few ones, I’ve just learned (with kudos to RA for helping me do that) to forget about it and move on to the next one.
Great read as usual
Great to hear from you, Mr. X. Appreciate the kind words. Glad you found some things here to help. Since I don’t own a cell phone (yes…it’s true), I didn’t even have bars to watch so I simply stared at the silent phone.
Still hoping one day – when the time is right of course – to hear that you’ve found a FABulous new job. In the meantime, keep on truckin’.
Ronnie Ann
I went to an interview yesterday and after practicing for weeks (because I REALLY wanted that job), I screwed up. Got nervous, rambled on some questions, sold myself short…it was as if all the confidence I usually portray abandoned me as the conference room door was closed.
Still, I am anxious about the possibility of the phone ringing…because, they told me a decision was to be made on about 3-4 weeks.
*sigh*
Aw Marie! I feel your pain. Have been there myself. You did your best. Sometimes practicing too much makes it hard to be spontaneous, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t like you.
Don’t forget to follow up with a very coherent and charming thank you note. And don’t sell yourself short even now. You never know!
And if this one doesn’t come your way, I hope the next one is even better!
Good luck, Marie!
Ronnie Ann
Ronnie Ann,
Thanks for the kind words.
Hi there,
This is a great humorous post, I’ve spent good time reading through the other posts as well, and I think they are fantastic-also, keeping things in perspective-its greatly aiding in keeping my sanity; thanks.
Here is the story. I passed the phone screen and was invited for an on-interview. Interviewed with 5 people and I thought it was mostly very pleasant. [I guess this company's interview process is the same for everyone] The whole thing lasted about 3 hours (1 hour more than the estimated 2 hours I was told). They took me to lunch-probably to observe. At the end, they asked me if I had any final questions and also asked me to take a “profile” test (more like a mini SAT if you asked me). I sent all my thank you letters as well that same afternoon. I was contacted the next morning and asked to provide references, which I did, and I got confirmation they were contacted. Couple of days later, I got an email-it read something along this lines-
“We wanted to give you a brief update.
We all enjoyed meeting with you, we believe you have the potential to be a productive member of our team. At this point we will be interviewing a few more candidates, and hope to reach a final decision in the next couple of weeks.
Thanks for your patience and be in touch soon.”
Does this mean I am the back up plan? I am trying to assess my situation and I am beating this dead horse with useless thoughts. What are your thoughts?
Hi Kevin!
Thanks for the very kind words.
While I’ve pretty much stopped answering individual questions (see end of post), as a fan of sanity I will suggest you please stop trying to analyze the situation. You just don’t have enough info to do that!
Unlike most places, they’ve given you great feedback and at least you know they are very interested. They may be covering their bases or there may be one or two people whose resumes are too interesting to pass up. No way to know until you know. So please just let it go. You’ve done your best. Really.
In the meantime, keep looking for jobs and do whatever fun and creative stuff you can to divert yourself from the post-interview temporary OCD blues!
Good luck! Would love to know what happens.
Ronnie Ann
Thanks for making the effort to answer my concern Ronnie Ann, you’re so nice.
You’re right- I am just going to pretend nothing happened and just go on with my life. If I do get a phone call, I will be sure to post the good news-in the mean time-I’ll try to emulate a fish (7 second memory) and forget about it. =)
Kevin
Well, the company still has not blown me off-but it looks like they are desperately looking to find any candidate to interview. How sad, they’ve posted the same job listing at a forum I frequently go to-this was yesterday(4/1/09). I thought they had people lined up to interview and I find the hard cold truth(I just was not good enough)-they are still looking for people to interview which means I’ve been put off until they can go through all of them. If only they had the decency of telling me they will no longer consider me. RRRrrrrhgg.
I was invited onsite for an interview after successfully getting through two phone interviews. Just like Marie, I screwed up. I was extremely nervous, which was pointed out by the interviewer. She tried to make me feel more comfortable, it worked, sorta. At any rate, I was able to get through the interview, and I felt like I answered the questions to their liking. I was told that I would get a response by the end of the week/beginning of the following week. I did not hear anything. I sent thank you letters immediately after the interview via snail mail(I sent thank you letters to the previous interviewers as well). I followed up exactly a week later, via telephone, and I was told by the recruiter that a decision had not been made. I noticed that the position has been re-posted for another week. I was thinking of sending a second follow up via snail mail re-iterating my interest. Should I?
Kevin: Not sure it helps, but I’ve headed searches where I continue to post the job for internal reasons, even when we already have some good candidates. And sometimes the new posting is pre-scheduled. But then again, if I were you I’d also keep looking!
Jackie: As I wrote Kevin, reposting can have many meanings. We’ll never know all of them
Snail mail is always a nice thing. Can’t hurt!
Good luck to both of you! Please let us know what happens.
Ronnie Ann
Just a reminder: As stated on my blog and on this post, I had to stop answering individual questions, but will occasionally add a thought or two when I can.
Hello!
Ronnie Ann, I followed your advice and I actually stopped thinking about the interview and the possible aftermath (anywho, what happens next is out of my control)…and yesterday, I checked my email before going to bed and one of my references told me that they called him about me (from that job). I am trying to remain calm and neutral, but, does that means “something”?
Hi Marie!
Congratulations on getting a handle on those post-interview OCD blues. You done good. That said, it’s really ok to let yourself feel a little excited about the reference checking.
I would never suggest people give up feeling! But also wise to know it could mean anything or nothing.
What it does mean is they are interested – maybe enough to see if your interview nerves were just that and not reflective of who you are as an employee. Interviewers know we get nervous and often can look past that if they like you. A hopeful sign at the very least. Keep up the good work in the meantime.
Good luck! Please let us know what happens.
Ronnie Ann
Hey, Ronnie Ann, one of my references -that the recruiter really showed an interest on talking to when I first interviewed for the position- was called. And she told me that she believed that her feedback was well received. I know she is a top notch reference, she is a former supervisor whose always praised my performance, skills and potential.
And yeah, I did get nervous during the interview, but -now that I remember- that didn’t hindered me from smiling and keeping eye contact. Maybe, after all, I wasn’t the horrible mess I thought I was. You know what, if I don’t get the position I know I am going to be sad; but at the same is an ego booster knowing that I got so far into the process.
Great comment, Marie. I wish everyone could have that attitude!
Good luck!
Ronnie Ann
Ronnie Ann, I was recommended for the position! The HM informed me that I should expect a formal offer soon. Since the position requires a background check and other HR formalities he cannot extend the final offer himself.
Oh Marie! This is GREAT news. Wuhoo!! Thanks for letting us know. Fingers crossed that all goes well. But I’m sure it will.
Congratulations on a job well done and a new one beginning. I wish you all the best. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you.
Ronnie Ann
Well, I guess it all worked out for the best. I got an offer today but they low-balled the offer, but its a job I want. I am happy. Thanks for everything Ronnie Ann, you are superb =)
I love news like this! Even with the low-ball offer, a job you want is priceless.
Congratulations, Kevin. And if I may…wuhoo!!! All the best in your new job.
Ronnie Ann
I have been doing a lot of these things. I started blogging, I picked up an old sport, I tried some new activities and just generally went outside my comfort zone.
Hi AJ!
Smart. Hope your waiting ends soon – with good news. I sometimes think we could find solutions to all the world’s problems if we could just harness all the waiting game energy!
Good luck!
Ronnie Ann
Hi from the UK.
What excellent advice! I am waiting to hear back from an interview to continue my studies here in England and the advice you have given here has helped me a lot.
The problem I have is that I actually suffer from OCD, so something like an interview when you are told ‘You’ll hear back soon’ can make your life literally hellish. I guess one thing I would say is that things could always be worse, you could have real OCD!
Thanks again for the great advice, CB.
Hi CB!
Hope you’ve gotten some good news since you wrote. I can only imagine how hard it is with real OCD!
Thanks for writing and trying to make others feel better.
I wish you the best of luck.
Cheers!
Thanks for the advice Ronnie and for starting this post. Coincidentally, like CB, I have OCD too and it’s a nightmare—I can hardly do any normal activity since I started the job search. Still it helps to know that “normal” people go thru it and have survived it. Take care.
Hi RSA!
Thanks for adding your voice. You and CB bring up such an important point. If the job hunt is hell for most of us, what must this feel like for folks like you with real OCD.
Glad it helps you to know how much this effects the rest of us too. Wish I could help. If it is of any comfort to simply let us know how things are going , please feel free to stop by as often as you need.
Meanwhile, here’s a big hug: {{{{{RSA}}}}}
Good luck!!!!
Been there, seen that. After two-three weeks of OCD they finally called me back, saying they couldn’t reach me on the phone (which I know was impossible as I watched my phone 24/7 and didnt miss ANY call). But they’ve offered me a job so I forgave them
Thank you so much!!!
My absolute pleasure Alicja. Thank you for this comment as well as your others. Please be my guest any time.
Congratulations and best of luck on the new job!
~ Ronnie Ann
Hi Ronnie and other gurus,
I’ve been reading your forum for months to realize where I went wrong during my interview.
Here is my story.
1. phone interview in Oct-09
2. Onsite interview, gave presentation etc., Dec-09
That was my first interview and as you had mentioned in one of you posts, to overcome nervousness and to pose to be confident I was ‘way-full-of-myself’. This was more pronounced during my presentation and while meeting junior members of the group. Obviously the junior members told the hiring manager that the will never work for a boss like me (i have a friend working there). But that is not me, I had overly performed as I was desperate for the job. I might have sounded over-confident, arrogant or aggressive.
It is almost Apr-10 now. I never heard back from them. So it could be a big NO to me. However, can I send a letter to the hiring manager apologizing that I could have done better during the interview. It may not change things. What would you advice?
Thank you
Tarry
Well Tarry…you certainly are patient and persistent.
Have to admit I’m surprised you waited this long to get back in touch with them, but at this point your instincts are good…you have nothing to lose by contacting them.
Although it’s often hard to undo an initial impression, it’s at least worth a shot. But rather than apologizing (not a good follow-up tactic), a polite note saying you are still very interested and hope they are still considering you would be the right tone. And, athough usually it’s best NOT to mention nervousness, if you really know you left a bad impression, you might politely add that you were a little nervous and would love another opportunity to show them what you’re really like to work with.
While at this point there’s a good chance it’s time for you to move on and look elsewhere (which you should be doing anyway), this is definitely worth trying. Good luck, Tarry.
~ Ronnie Ann
the best tip is to forget the job and keep interviewing if possible but only with jobs that are as good if not better than the one you really want. many times you think you have a job and if by chance you find out they’ve hired someone else at least you are not starting from scratch
Thanks for adding to the conversation autoprt! Absolutely…focus on continuing to look for the best job you can find until you actually accept an offer. Sometimes, you can even open up to ones you think aren’t as good, since during an interview process, surprises can happen.
Best of luck!
~ Ronnie Ann
This is just the thing I needed to read..I literally typed into Google search “did I get the job” and this site came up. I just interviewed for a job that suits to me to the core…it’s absolutely what I should be doing. The interview went as well as I think it could have 2 days ago, so I left very pleased. And I was told there are only 2 other candidates. But now I have the post-interview blues/OCD big time. It’s so unreasonable and not logical to think they’d call me the next day but still, I can’t shake it. Especially in these hard times when I don’t exactly get an interview every week. This was my 2nd one in about 6 months. I can’t stop thinking about the phone ringing, I can’t stop thinking about what they’re saying about me, I can’t stop fantasizing about how less qualified the other 2 candidates are, and I can’t stop checking me email for the dreaded reject letter. But just to read this was therapeutic and I feel better today than yesterday because I actually went out and did something rather than sit in and sulk all day…so yes, getting involved in anything else is helpful and I will try to make jam for the first time today. I’ve also been blogging about the job search in general I call my blog the Job Search Grumblies. I think also, saying the Serenity prayer to myself helps when I get so deep in thought that I’m on edge over it…it helps even with out the god part if you’re not religious like me…it’s just the first bit really…”God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” First, the concentrated focus on something else slows the heart rate and the realization that serenity will help more than OCD brings me back to earth a little bit. For me it’s mostly the not knowing that drives me crazy. If I had some idea of when the decision would be made I could relax about it for now. If I knew there was no hope for this week, I wouldn’t obsess about the possibility of the phone ringing or the reject email coming in right now and I could just sit back and enjoy the idea that I’m still in the running. Oh well, but like you said, they’re going to do their own thing at their own pace.
This blog is great for a ton of reasons… you get honest and real perspective from actual job hunters; not some HR Recruit wannabe who actually works as a personnel placement agent, recruiting agent for some job agency, or some commission motivated glorified job poster. They have no experience in the actual hiring process… all they do is send people over to companies for the actual interview. Long and longer process during the hiring process clearly is the norm… so ignore all the nonsense noise out there that screams utter nonsense that may have been valid 5-10 years ago. Nobody gets hired on the spot; not even within 48 hours. From the moment you heard about the job, saw the ad, got a referral to the day after the interview… it could take well over 4 weeks. I read other job sites just to get a laugh at all the irrelevant and useless drivel that are passed off as some useful advice. It’s comical really. 2-4 weeks to just get an interview invite is the norm from my personal experience as well as from what I read and hear from my friends. And actual offer or rejection could be another 2-4 weeks from the date of your interview. All in all, the entire ordeal per job could take anywhere from 4-8 weeks or longer. Don’t get discouraged because 2 weeks passed by without a news. Please don’t…
Thanks Mallory and Jonny! I replied to Mallory on another post, so if you’re interested you can read that here:
What the Heck Goes On Behind the Scenes After a Job Interview?
And Jonny…I so appreciate your words of comfort and encouragement to Mallory and all my readers. The most powerful words for others come from those who have walked in their shoes.
Thanks to both of you for being part of this blog. I wish you all the best!!
~ Ronnie Ann
Thanks for all the great advice above and all the posts. I had an interview yesterday and I have spent the whole day today checking that my phone is switched on and feeling as if I can’t concentrate on anything…now, I’m just going to relax, be confident that I did my best and forget about the outcome! Thank you.
LouiseGB I know exactly how you feel. That’s what happened to me, immediately after my interview a week an a half ago I couldn’t stop thinking about it and had that unreasonable expectation that my phone would ring that day. Logically I knew it was absurd, but still, couldn’t help it. A week and a half later I still do a great deal of wondering, checking obsessively for a reject email, and waiting, but I can focus on other things now. But to remain confident that you did your best is probably the best thing you could do for yourself. I have to remember that myself sometimes.
I just noticed this comment from over a year ago, but the same is going on with me right now too. The “re-posting” thing. I’ve noticed that this company has kept the job posted on their website and on other job search sites right through the interview process. I’ve been a little baffled by that myself. After the initial application there are 2 steps to get through before being chosen for a face 2 face interview so it’s not like we interview candidates are a shot in the dark. I asked how many would be interviewed and was told 3. That seems like a small number but was encouraged by it, 33% chance isn’t so bad compared to 0%. I assumed that one of us 3 would get the job because HR made us jump through hoops to get to the interview in the first place, which to me meant all 3 of us are qualified and all the team has to do is choose which one of us they like best, how long could that take? So a few days ago I noticed that the listing finally closed so I figured great they’re going to start deciding, but yesterday it was re-posted. I know there are 2 of these positions, but I was under the impression that they already had someone working in one for a while and they’re looking for the 2nd….the speculation is driving me crazy. Trying not to let it, but what Kevin said a year ago, that he hasn’t been officially blown off but the listing is right back there which means other people are still applying and therefore will have to be considered. I’ll always have that ray of hope until I get that official rejection but the lack of information and communication is starting to get really old. I know if I email my recruiter I’ll probably not get a response and if I call I’ll make a pest out of myself. It’s Friday, I’ll be happy around 5pm when I know for a fact that nothing will happen and I can give myself permission to not focus on it.
Hi LouiseGB! Thanks for your great comment.
And I agree with what Mallory learned from your words that “remain(ing) confident that you did your best is probably the best thing you could do for yourself.” Absolutely. It’s all we can ever do.
Hope you managed to both give yourself permission, Mallory, and follow through.
Here’s an article and comments about re-posting:
http://www.workcoachcafe.com/2009/05/27/they-re-posted-the-job-should-i-kiss-it-good-bye/
To quote my article, best advice is: “Keep looking for a job even while waiting to hear back.”
At this point, best to put your full energy into looking for another job. If this job still happens…great. But if not, the right one will come along.
Good luck!
~ Ronnie Ann