I’m not exactly sure how it happens, but otherwise delightful and totally rational people become stark raving loony-tunes nuts crazy leading up to and more importantly after an interview. Somehow the hiring process and very act of interviewing for a job triggers what I like to call the post interview temporary OCD blues.
“They haven’t called yet.”
I know.
“They still haven’t called yet.”
It’s only been five minutes since you last told me that.
“But I interviewed THREE whole hours ago. Why aren’t they calling me?”
This goes on for most of the next two or three weeks, in which time you’ve called or sent notes at least 6 times, until you finally get the call for the second interview. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! You feel your old self returning.
And then it starts all over again. Oh sure…the job interview went well, but right after the interview you feel the signs of temporary OCD returning. The obsessive thoughts and the compulsive need to contact them and make them act NOW! NOW. NOW!!!
“I know they liked me. They seemed to like me. Oh god…why didn’t they like me!”
I’m sure they did.
“Was that the phone?”
No. The dog sneezed.
“Why won’t they call me? Those self-absorbed, insensitive bastards. Don’t they know I’m waiting???? I hate all of them.”
It’s only been three days and they’re interviewing other people.
“It’s a stupid job anyway. If they don’t call by tomorrow, I don’t even want it any more.”
Makes total sense. I understand.
“That’s it. I’m done with the idiots.”
Good plan. Why be open to a job you want?
Just then the phone rings. You get the job. Wuhooo! You’re thrilled because truth be told they all seemed really nice and the job is everything you ever wanted.
After an interview why do folks just get crazy looney-tunes nuts?
So what happened to you? Why did obsessive-compulsive behavior take hold of an otherwise lovely person’s body and brain?
Of course, we know it’s an awful, stressful process where you have absolutely no control over what they do or how soon they do it. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing back in as little as a day and waiting as long as four loooong months for jobs where I was the top candidate.
There is no absolute rule or standard when it comes to the job interview hiring process. I’m sorry. I wish there were. I know it sucks. But seriously…driving yourself crazy by trying to second-guess what you can’t possibly know about is not worth it. Sometimes emergencies happen. Or huge rush projects. Or people get sick. Or there are behind-the-scenes negotiations or politics. And none of it is about you.
The best thing you can do is give the very best job interview you can and then just wait. Seriously. Sure, a pleasant note or two and an occasional call can help move things along – sometimes. But I suggest you do these things without getting tied to an actual result on your time schedule. They will move at their pace no matter what we do.
So what can you do in the meantime?
Things to Do While Waiting After an Interview
- At the most basic level, try daily breathing exercises. A good one suggested by Dr. Andrew Weil is to breathe in to a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and breathe out for a count of 8. I do it and it helps.
- Take up a new hobby – something you’ve always wanted to try. Yoga. Meditation. Tai chi. Tae kwon do. Knitting. Painting. Photography. Guitar. Acting. Whatever piques your interest or moves your spirit.
- Rent LOTS of movies and re-direct your obsessive behavior in that direction. Not sure a therapist would suggest that, but I’m just trying to get you through the interview process.
(To keep costs down, you can always join NetFlix for a month or two and then stop.) - Go to the library or local bookstore and find a bunch of books you’ve been meaning to read. This is the time.
- Volunteer somewhere. Turn your energy into something that helps others.
- Enlist the help of your friends and loved ones and make sure you get them to do things with you that keep your mind occupied.
- Also try putting your extra energy into doing extra things for people you care about. Hard to stay too obsessed about the interview, when you’re obsessing about…I mean doing something wonderful for a loved one.
- Keep looking for jobs! No matter how great this one job is, it helps to keep the energy aimed at finding work you really want. Sometimes an even better job comes along during this time.
- Write about your thoughts and feelings. And let your thoughts fly. Maybe even write a short story about a character going through what you’re going through. Maybe even give the protagonist super-powers to break through barriers and make things happen.
- Or make your story into a great country or blues song! “I’m waiting too long. They done me wrong.”
- Exercise. Even if it’s only walking 10-20 minutes a day. Movement is good for helping get you out of the obsessive thoughts. Use the time to think about something you like to do or someone you love or a place you would like to visit. (No…not the office where you interviewed. Sheesh.)
- Singing while exercising or even on its own helps redirect your thoughts. For me…it’s show tunes or good ole rock ‘n roll.
- If all else fails, I use bad TV to get lost in. Oh sure…it’s not a prescription for mental health, but we’re just talking about making it through the interview process!
Would love to hear your suggestions and thoughts. How do you stay sane during the post-interview, temporary OCD blues?
***
Related Work Coach Cafe posts:
After an Interview: Can Weekly Follow-up Calls and Emails Help Get You the Job?
After the Job Interview: Why Haven’t They Called Me Yet?
Stuck in the Waiting Game After 2nd Interview
12 Ways to Stay Sane After a Job Interview
And for those of you looking for some interview tips:
15 Things I Look for When I Interview People
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I think the only way to handle things post-interview is to pretend you didn’t have an interview and keep plugging away at job hunting.
What makes this feel especially hard is when you have only one possibility in the pipeline and hinge all expectations on the one. I’ve done it lots of times and I now realize I need to not think about that company, not expect anything, and work on finding more companies and jobs to apply for. It’s the only thing a candidate can control.
Not putting all one’s eggs or hopes in the basket is important especially since the recruiting process is non-logical, arbitrary, flaky, and every other adjective you can think of. It stinks, but that’s the way it is. It makes no sense.
So, like dating, keep moving forward, meeting people, and focus on the things you can control.
Excellent advice, Nancy!
Keep plugging away at job hunting, and focus on the things you can control. Yes, just like dating!
Couldn’t have said it better, myself.
Good luck!
Susan
I find that a week after the interview or an appropriate time has elapsed after the interview and no hint of them being interested in you, just accept that they don’t want you and move on. It doesn’t help to wait on them. Forget them, put them out of your mind; because if they want you, they know how to get a hold of you (phone, email, home address).
Hi Terri,
Accepting a “non-response as a no” is one way to look at the situation. While it never helps to wait on someone indefinitely, following up does two things:
1. It lets the employer know you remain interested — and that’s important to employers as they want to make offers to people who will accept them.
2. It can provide closure — and insight if you aren’t selected. If you simply don’t hear back, you may assume the employer is not interested. In reality, often employers don’t respond because something has changed internally — perhaps the hiring process has been delayed or — they’ve decided not to apply for the position. Sometimes a follow-up can yield this information — which also makes the psychological process of the job search easier.
All the Best,
Chandlee
I too find myself wanting to come at a prospective employer like a locomotive. All of my interviews(3 long ones) were wonderful. This company I want to join follows FCC/EOE guidlines. I keep trying to reassure myself that this is a process -not an event. I have done my research and applied myself in everyway. So now I wait as they have asked. They say they “like me” and as I think about reaching for the phone to call the manager, I pause. I think it is important to take time to remember the high points of the interview, play them back in your mind, that can fuel the obsessve tendancies while waiting for the offer. This job I want is a sales job, so I know I need to apply some strategy in call frequency to show my persistance, but in the same breath, it is kinda fun just waiting in the weeds to see who will make the next move.
Jayne,
I think you are playing it perfectly. If you want to follow up, one graceful way to do so would be with a potential client lead. Good luck and keep us posted.
All the Best,
Chandlee
Hi Chandlee-thanks for the words of encouragement. I sent a follow-up email on May 7th. The 2nd Interview was April 27th with radio station owner, his son, and sales mgr. Today I got the vague, benign response from the sales manager saying “he’ll be in touch” -it seems like a dead end. Yet, there were so many positive indicators but no offer-being in sales I knew something was not quite right. And the owner accused me of “pontificating” -kind of insulting-yes? I was just really enthused, nervous and perhaps too talkative. Time to move on…Job searching is hard on a person’s self esteem. I am just happy that I am not in a pressure situation and this is a “go at my own pace to find a better job” scenario-sorry if I am ponitificating!! [:0)
The really ironic thing about all of this is that I was a career advisor about 12 years ago. Time to take some of my own advice…but I appreciate yours too.
Jayne
Jayne,
Don’t assume you didn’t get the job. If he says he’ll be in touch, it’s possible that the decision has not been made at all.
As for the pontificating, I must say I don’t love feedback in the interview that is offered with words that often have a negative connotation — not the word I would use. That said, in the future, if someone says something similar to you — probably a good time to say, “What’s your take? What do you see as critical in this particular job?”
Job searching is a challenge on self-esteem — no matter who you are, how old you are, and what experience you have. I think we should all recognize this and do other things during a job search that also make us feel good about ourselves and our relationships with others.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and observations, it’s helpful to everyone.
Hang in there and good luck,
Chandlee
Thanks again for the good advice about word choice and seeking clarification. I take the “I’ll be in touch” line as code for “leave me alone”, the subtle brush off. The sales mgr kept using words like honesty and transparency throughout the interview, and while explaining their turnover problems. Now the vague terms and no timeline leave me feeling less than optimistic. I just can’t figure out how things went from hot to cold. I am guessing it is something I said or did that made them apprehensive…to be continued.
I really do appreciate the feedback from Work Coach Cafe.
Jayne aka Mrs. Menopause!!
Jayne,
Still sounds to me like you are reading meaning between the lines when I’m not sure there is meant to be. I’ve worked as a recruiter and I can’t tell you how many offers were delayed while I waited for a paperwork to get completed or get a sign-off from the CEO or CFO. On the corporate side, you may even aim to be vague and not share a timeline because you are fully aware that it’s very hard to meet all of your deadlines.
Hang in there!
Best,
Chandlee
I sent my resume to an employer on June 6th, received a call back for an interview on June 8th. I went in the for the interview this past Monday on June 11th and it has been the most agonizing three days EVER! I keep recalling all of the mistakes I made since I was so nervous. Sweat was literally pouring down my back because this is a job I REALLY want because I am… well to be honest ready to move on from my current job. I want a career, not a job and I hope to God I get this position. I kept forgetting things that I had practiced over and over again due to my anxiety. I even forgot the name of a project I worked on but that was because the project was over three years ago and I only dealt with it for a few weeks. I could only remember the acronyms, yet as soon as the interview was over I remembered it. I apologized to the interviewer and told her I could not remember what the acronyms stood for. I felt like a complete flunky who was unprepared. But we did have a connection and moved on to other projects I had worked on. She was very polite and responsive. I asked her when she would like someone to start and she said probably in July and that she would be conducting interviews the rest of this week and I should know something by next week. I don’t think I’ll make it. Any advice on how to keep me from going insane?! Also, this is nonprofit work I’m doing, which is all I did in college and I reiterated my love/passion for nonprofit work and how I wanted to align myself with an organization that I would be enthused about working for. Do you think that raised my chances of being hired?
There is a very good chance that the interviewer knew you were nervous and since you said she was very polite and responsive she may not even think about that one mistake. We all get nervous. I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Stop recalling all the mistakes you made. Focus on the good things. Was she leaning forward, did she keep eye contact, etc.? The fact that you told her you were passionate about nonprofit work and that you wanted to align yourself with an organization you would be enthused about working for says a lot. You gave her a reason you as to why you want to work there. I can’t say that you got the job or not but there is a possibility you did. Good luck!
Hi Mo,
I wasn’t privy to the interview and don’t know the organization in question, so I can’t speak to your chances of being hired. But showing your genuine interests and passions for a subject matter is rarely a negative in an interview.
Sounds like you did a good job with showing your level of interest.
As for the anxiety issue, you may want to find some strategies to work on that — from meditation or mock interview practice to simply expanding your access to more opportunities. It is always better to increase your chances if you can apply for multiple opportunities. I encourage you to keep your search open and continue to apply as you wait to hear back.
All the Best and good luck,
Chandlee
Thanks Chandlee and Evie!
Chandlee,
I just felt like I could have answered questions better and I keep recalling things I should have said and all of that fun stuff (sarcasm ensues). But yes, I really did express my interest in the position. Even in my follow up e-mail that very day I told her the same thing, that I wanted to wake up everyday and say I love my job and that I was enthused and excited about new opportunites. She did not reply back so that’s kind of why I am shaking like a leaf… I’m wondering if I should call back on Monday or not? I want to be labeled as persistent and dedicated, not obsessed and stalker. Thank you for your kind words. It is just that I am unhappy at my current job (although I thank the good Lord above everyday for a job) however, with a bachelors degree under my belt and the fact that I have been at my current job for three years, I am not being used to my full potential and there is no room for growth here. I want a career and to do what I know I am good at. That’s why I’m so irritated and anxious to hear back. I am trying to occupy myself with a good book but it doesn’t seem to helping much. Wish me luck! I’ll respond as to whether or not I got the job or not. I hope I did! She seemed very impressed because I left her copies of my work (writing samples). She said she rarely saw people who left her things like that, so maybe that’s a good sign and I’ll stick out. We also got personal and talked about why nonprofit is so near and dear to my heart and I told her a family story and a church story. So… maybe there is a good chance she could use me. We shall see… I think all of those things are good signs.
Mo,
The best way to keep running over an interview over and over again is to ensure you get another one even if the great job doesn’t work out. It sounds like you did a great job with the application process, one thing to emphasize in future interviews is to make sure you focus on the work itself — in addition to how the organization would be fulfilling for you! Make sure you don’t imply that you don’t put energy into your current job because it isn’t a fit. (It doesn’t sound like you did this, but be careful of this.)
Given that you have expressed so much enthusiasm, I recommend sitting tight and not following up again right now — and also that you continue to apply for opportunities in the interim. I’d like you have as many opportunities to choose from as possible.
Good luck,
Chandlee