Work Coach Cafe

In the 1970s, for the first time that I know of, women were taught to be responsible for our own orgasms. It’s a good philosophy. If you depend on someone else to meet your expectations, how are they ever going to know exactly what you’re waiting for them to do? The more you participate, the better the results.

I’m talking about the workplace of course - so empty your mind of all that other stuff (at least for now).

I hear from people who are incredibly frustrated by jobs that don’t live up to their expectations. My mother would have said “So? Lower your expectations.” And in a way, that’s the right advice.

Now that’s not saying you shouldn’t have great expectations for yourself. There’s a world of possibility and opportunity out there and there’s no reason you shouldn’t have your share of it.

But when it comes to a job where you have other people to answer to and work with and maybe even manage, that’s a whole lot of expectations intermingling - and clashing! Everyone has them. And if you spend too much time focusing on what others should be doing but aren’t, well, that’s a lot of time devoted to disappointment rather than achieving things that are good for YOU.

My philosophy is to make note of the people around me - how they act, their skills, their shortcomings, and how they treat others. This stuff is good to know. But then I try to figure out what I can do to make the most of the situation. I used to try to “fix” everyone else, and I learned that wasn’t going to happen. I also used to get mad and complain to a select few who were all too willing to trade complaints. Somehow that didn’t make things better either. I just got angrier and more frustrated.

And then I realized the best I could do was focus on things I myself can control - like my own attitude, perspective, focus, and actions. You can start fresh any time, of course. But when you’re starting a new job, you have an even better chance because you can build relationships from the ground up.

Here are two basic things to think about:

Boundaries - Right from the start, you need to know what your job is and what it isn’t. I’m sure most of you at one time has found yourself taking on work that someone else wasn’t doing right or that your boss asked you to do basically because s/he knew you’d say “yes”. And then two years later, you wonder why you’re stuck in a corner doing all the crap while other people are being promoted around you.

Now I’m not echoing Nancy Reagan and telling you to “Just say NO!” You want to look for opportunities in order to do well both for your employer’s sake and for your own career. Just set some boundaries for yourself that include knowing when to say “no” and when to say “yes”. I’ve worked side by side with people who stayed all hours of the night while others at their same title and salary left around 5 or 6pm. Guess who was happier?

One note about that: Some places require extraordinary hours from their employees and expect that of everyone. But only you know what you’re willing to live with. What you create now is what will be expected of you tomorrow.

Extra thought: If you’re building your career, long hours and hard work may be a price well worth paying. But if you’re not enjoying yourself and there’s no tasty carrot at the end of that stick, think about whether all that effort is worth it. Maybe, rather than putting all that time and energy into something you don’t really enjoy, you can instead focus on finding a job that fits your needs much better - and then put all that effort into something you actually care about. Plus it’s a new chance to build those relationships from scratch.

Networking - Your best best for getting things done and moving ahead is to create healthy workplace relationships. This way, when you are in crunch mode or a crisis arises, you have people to turn to. And later on, as you look to move up the ladder or at least to a different job, these are the people who will be there to help you. And provide references if you choose to leave. Networking with both internal people and those you meet in the course of business is key to the rest of your career. Plus, it just makes the whole thing more enjoyable.

From your first day at the job (or starting at any point) build your relationships with sincerity and generosity. Don’t look for whining buddies to sit around and moan with. They’ll only bring you down. Look for positive people who can make your work life much more enjoyable and who will be there for you later on. And you for them. It makes your work life so much better! (For those of you giving me the raspberries right about now, I’ve been there and tried the other way. And I can tell you…the way I suggest works much better.)

BUT…remember that first point about boundaries. This is a two-way street and if you’re always bailing people out and all you get is thanks and another one of their problems to solve, don’t be shocked if they’re the ones getting promoted!

Oh…there’s lots more I could talk about; but for now, even if you just follow these two basic approaches (and of course do the best you can in your job), you’ll find yourself a lot happier with this whole working-for-a-living thing!

The more you take responsibility for your own happiness, the happier you’ll be. Or so I’ve found in my own life.