So you’ve been at the job for a while and it’s finally time to find out what your boss really thinks of you. The door closes behind you as the air gets sucked out of the room. It’s just the two of you now.
And then it happens. Your boss says you aren’t pulling your weight. Or you didn’t take enough initiative on that last project. Or you’ve taken too many sick days. Or been late too often. Or the quality of your work is below par. Or simply you’re good…but not as good as you could be.
So how do you handle a bad review?
The most important thing you can do is enter that room with a willingness to hear what’s being said. I know it’s hard. It’s only natural to want to defend ourselves - especially if we feel that we’re being unfairly judged.
But the worst thing you can do is walk into the room ready for the fight. It’s a bad move. When you are in fight mode, you can’t hear the words as they are being said. And you might actually wind up hearing something useful for your own career - if you just listen.
I know that’s easier said than done. Whether you know it or not, even when we think we’re listening, we often have our internal filters going big time. Sometimes we only hear what we want to hear or the words get colored in away that reflects what we think the other person feels about us - or what we feel about them. Words that may be fairly harmless can come in and get processed in a way that turns them into big-time button-pushers. Oh yeah! You think I can do better? Well that’s what my mother used to say and I hated my mother! (Although usually the buttons aren’t that obvious.)
So more often than not, we’ve walked away from a bad review not having heard what was really said or having incorrectly interpreted the real meaning behind it. All the while interjecting lots of our own thoughts and associations into every word.
How to improve listening when we get work feedback
- Make a deal with yourself to listen from a place of knowing nothing and wanting to learn.
- Let your boss finish his thoughts before even trying to respond.
- Don’t run a script of automatic responses in your head while your boss is talking. While you’re doing that, you’re missing a lot of what is being said.
- Ask clarifying questions. (Allowing your boss to finish the point s/he is making, of course.) Rephrase what you think you heard so you can be sure you got it right.
- Show a willingness to listen by assuming a friendly, welcoming posture. You want your boss to know you’re willing to hear what s/he has to say. (If you keep your arms crossed in front of you, for example, it shows you are defending.)
What else should you do or say during the job review?
- Let your boss know you appreciate the constructive criticism (as hard as it is to say that).
- Discuss any points you think are unfair, but do so as calmly and intelligently as possible, making solid points for yourself by drawing on concrete examples - rather than simply saying it’s not true while looking all upset.
- Don’t bring up co-workers and point to how they are treated in comparison to you. It won’t help and makes you look like a cry-baby.
- Do calmly come up with things that you have improved on or accomplished over the last year that your boss may have forgotten to mention.
- Ask your boss for specific things you might work on over the next year.
- Make sure s/he knows you want to improve and are taking her/his words seriously.
- Thank her or him at the end, smiling, looking directly into her/his eyes, and shaking hands. You want to walk out with an air of positive strength and an honest commitment to improve. Even if not everything said feels fair, there’s always something you can work on. None of us is perfect.
Afterwards, send your boss a short e-mail note thanking her/him again for the constructive criticism and outlining the things you intend to do. Ask for any additional suggestions. This not only serves as a contract of sorts between you, but provides you written proof should there be more going on than just a less-than-glowing review.
A bad review can give you a chance to improve
It’s important to keep your perspective. I’ve known people who walk away devastated (and show it in their work attitude) just because the didn’t get “excellent” in every category. That’s way out of proportion and only hurting yourself.
But sometimes, a bad review is your boss’s way of putting you on notice that you better get your act together if you want to keep your job. If, during the review you get any sense that it might be the latter, then make sure you ask your boss directly whether you should be worried about losing your job. Better to know than not know.
But as I said, in most cases, bad reviews are just a wake-up call. The most important thing for you to look at is whether any of it came as a shock to you. If so, you might want to improve your office radar and also ask your boss for more regular meetings that help you know how s/he feels about your work. In fact, after a bad review, I’d make it a point to connect more regularly to discuss how things are going. And also, make sure your boss finds out about things you do well!
We all get bad reviews of some kind. So don’t feel bad!
I know one person who got a rotten review - so bad he felt like quitting - and he went around sulking and angry at everyone. But after we had a long talk, he stopped obsessing about everything he doesn’t get enough appreciation for (the list was long) and instead decided to take an approach that might actually do him some good. Whether he was right or wrong in fact, his way just wasn’t working.
So he sat down with his boss in a professional manner and sincerely acknowledged there was room for improvement - and that he would do whatever was necessary to the best of his ability. He also discussed some of the areas he wanted to get into that he hadn’t yet been given the opportunity to take on.
His boss was very happy about the improved attitude and willingness to change. They made a deal that if he buckled down and improved on his assigned tasks (and attitude) and did what the company needed from him, he would be given a chance to take on a some of the new things he really wanted. He did. They did. And he is now in a new role doing what he loves.
All he had to do was switch from his perpetual “they don’t appreciate me” mode to a new, improved “I am taking charge of my own career” mode. Plus, he moved himself out of “victim” mode by treating his boss as an ally and not an enemy. Ironically, the bad evaluation became the beginning pf his new career.
If you wind up getting one of those bad evaluations, try your best to let any resulting negative feelings go as soon as possible. See it as the beginning of the rest of your career - since it is. If you get stuck in being pissed off, you’ll only prove your boss’s point.
Instead, focus on what actions you can take now to show your boss - and yourself - how good you really are!
We usually have at least two choices: accept things as they are or change! Since you’re already at this job, it really does pay to give it another chance by seeing what you can do to make things better for yourself. You might surprise yourself.
But of course, if it’s really time for you to go…then see this as your ticket to something better. Sometimes when bad evaluations happen to good people it turns out to be a blessing. 
Good luck!
9 responses so far ↓
1 Elva // Mar 3, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I think your suggestions were very professional. However, it doesn’t apply to me as I am getting ready to retire in about 5 months and I’ve had good evaluations since I started my job 12 years ago. She is my third Director that I’ve worked with, and the most hostile. Everyone that works here comments on how unfriendly she is and how mean they have been treated by her. Since she arrived here 5 years ago I’ve felt disliked by her and thought it may be because she did not choose me as her Executive Assistant. During these past years I’ve tried to be friendly towards her, always saying good morning ____, have a nice weekend _____, or asking her if there’s anything I can do for her. I’ve even suggested meeting once per month so we can discuss any expectations she may have of me and she responded that she didn’t have the time. My first evaluation by her was good and then this year, nothing was said about my work or her expectations for the coming year, only things like I socialize at my desk too much and an Executive Secretary needs to be above that, I was accused of not saying hi or being friendly to her, and basically it was all about how she is treated. I’m a very approachable and friendly person and felt my evaluation was very contradictory. I am well-liked by the employees and always approach me for answers instead of the Director. I find it very hard to work with her because she only talks to those who meet her standards and every body else are low life’s. Also, she knows I will be leaving August 1, so I think by giving me an evaluation she knew I wouldn’t like, that she could push me out the door quicker.
2 Ronnie Ann // Mar 3, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Although I am sorry you’re going through this, I love comments like yours because they help fill out the picture of what’s really happening out there. There’s no way I can cover all the possibilities when I write a post or answer a comment. In your particular case, I’m glad you are about to say good-bye to the job and your current boss. Her evaluation of you has no lasting power since you’re retiring. Buh bye!
Now if you were at an earlier point in your career, after hearing all this I’d suggest being open to a new job. When you get a clunker boss, and after trying your best to make it work it still doesn’t, then a change of scenery is often the best option. In your case, you’re already planning the change most of us still dream about!
I wish you a marvelous retirement, Elva.
3 Anon Geek // Mar 20, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Thanks so much for the great post. I just came off of the worst review of my life and the funny thing is I have had regular 1-on-1s with my manager and everything had seemed to be going well. The guy has recently stepped down as manager and I think I believe I know why (communication issues perhaps?).
Anyway, while I agree some of the stuff he wrote was true, I do not believe that he presented to me the information in a timely manner…waiting six months to tell me that I’m not doing well while each weekly meeting has been fine is a shocker!
I’m not sure what to do at this point. The guy is no longer my manager but still works in my group and is a respected IC. My new manager says I’ve basically got a couple of months to prove myself and he’s going to help by giving me specific things I need to accomplish and changes I need to make. The problem is I’m not really sure I feel like I want to stay at this point. I’ve been with the company for a little over a year and haven’t really meshed well with anyone. The work is uninspiring (writing code to test more code) but the reason I stay is because we were bought out a few months ago and I’m going to make an extra year’s salary for the next 3 years I work (work 3 years, get an extra year of pay for free due to vesting options). While it’s not a LOT of money, it’s still rather substantial and I’d kinda like to extract all of the value before I call it quits.
Any advice?
4 Ronnie Ann // Mar 24, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Hi Anon Geek!
Sorry for the delay. I just saw your comment. Sometimes our e-mail alert goes haywire. Ironic that this happened about tech work, no?
You wrote “While it’s not a LOT of money, it’s still rather substantial and I’d kinda like to extract all of the value before I call it quits.” This raises several thoughts for me. I hope you will permit me to share them, even if none of what I say rings true for you.
The word value has so many ways of being interpreted. If you don’t like the job (you call it uninspiring) and you don’t feel you match well with your environment or the people you work with, than the only value I see is the promise of that extra money, which even you say isn’t all that substantial. But there would be HUGE value in spending your days doing something that feels good and gets your juices flowing, rather than slogging through just to get a carrot that may never come. (I will address that point soon.) A different perspective may open some doors for you.
Real value could come by finding a new job that you actually feel good about! That value is priceless; it is your health and your mental well-being as well as your future career opportunities. (One door leads to another.) We are not enhanced by slogging. In a new job where you feel energized, you could move ahead to the point that the monetary gain you would have stayed for would be well-surpassed in about 5 years. By staying, you will only etch into yourself an attitude that you may not see, but potential employers will. Choices like this can shape your whole career. Shaking off the mismatched environment and moving on may be the wisest move, both from an emotional and monetary point of view.
But let me throw in one other factor. This poor performance review that seems to have come out of the blue may mean they don’t see you being with them the whole 3 years and therefore that extra bonus you are in effect selling your life for may never materialize! Before staying 3 whole years for that purpose, I would want you to make sure you have support from the new boss and a real sense that you are wanted there. (Finding a mentor would be a great idea if you choose to stay.) I like that your manager is willing to set goals so you aren’t shooting in the dark, but they may already have formed an opinion of you. In fact, your former manager may have simply reflected the opinion of others in his review and have been trying to help you see what you need to pay attention to.
Now, looking at it from yet another angle…you might choose to use this wake-up call as a chance to challenge yourself and wow them! Maybe there is a place for you there after all that would be good for you - as well as for whatever job you wind up in next. (By the way…I’ve worked in IT as a PM and good people move up to get more interesting assignments - but the secret is they also treat the less exciting assignments with the same thorough professionalism, good attitude, and enthusiasm as the more challenging ones.) Maybe they haven’t seen all that you could be yet. Maybe you know you have more to offer, but you need to find ways to show them just how much you can shine. If you choose this path, find allies. Ask your manager for more help. Be sincere and then give it your all! (This path can never be a losing one even if you later decide to leave. At the very least, it gets you good references!)
There’s no way, of course, that I can know the real circumstances and how they truly view you or what your ideal move would be. Only you can know that. Trust your instincts and not just your “logical” head. But if you feel the way you describe about your job, I am sure of one thing: you will be rewarded on many levels by choosing to either stay and do your very best (working with them in the most positive way you know how) or to find a job that feels better for you as soon as possible. I think the idea of just hanging in and staying for that bonus without you deciding to change things for yourself may only bring short-term gains and lots of continued dissatisfaction. (And again, you may never get to that bonus unless they decide you’re a “keeper”! Many companies weed out people before such deadlines to avoid paying the bonus. These are instituted to encourage good employees to stay; the others, unless they make the effort to show their worth, are expendable.)
I hope something I said has helped you think this through for yourself. Jobs are rarely perfect - but, if you are lucky enough to have options, please don’t settle for just “getting through each day”. I want so much more for you.
Good luck with whatever you do. Please let us know what happens!
Ronnie Ann
5 Bad Review in a Tech Job: Should I Stay or Should I Go? « Work Coach // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm
[...] When Bad Job Evaluations Happen to Good People [...]
6 Sandra Stultz // Apr 17, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I have been in a job for 5 1/2 years. The first 4 years were great until a co-worker (who disliked me from day one) was promoted to supervisor. Getting work done and reaching decisions really don’t matter because it’ll all be wrong anyway. I have talked to her and she said she was trying to get rid of me. She gave me a need improvements standards. The job is boring but the pay/benefits/location are great. I have filed grievances against her but nobody wants to step up to the plat and demote and/or fire her. She is unprofessional, dresses like a hooker to work, talks like a 3 years old (we goin’ to wha meetin). Oh, it’s a state job - what can I expect from people who walk around saying I have 4 years, 2 days and one minute left to go. I’m searching for employment elsewhere while dealing with this boss. I suppose I’m a dead woman walking, there is no way out of these situations except to find another job or get your walking papers. She tells people whom to befriend and other clerical workers don’t talk to me because of it but she rates me bad for team work, I pray that God helps me make a decision because I don’t want to be without a job in today’s economy.
7 Sandra Stultz // Apr 17, 2008 at 8:44 pm
heeellpppp crap is rolling downstream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 Ronnie Ann // Apr 17, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Hi Sandra!
I just came home and it’s late and I’m exhausted. So please excuse this short response. Just want you to know I hear you and will respond at length tomorrow. So sorry you are going through this. Ugh. Meanwhile, let’s both hope for something good to come your way soon! I am a firm believer that openings appear when we need them. Hard part sometimes is recognizing them when they shows up.
More tomorrow! Sleep well, Sandra. There’s always a way.
Ronnie Ann
9 Ronnie Ann // Apr 18, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Hello again Sandra!
When I read stories like yours, I really wish I had a magic wand that could help. Since you’ve already tried speaking to your boss, and you also say even if you do your very best you still get the evil eye, then it looks like you are the only one with a magic wand that can help you right now - meaning you can find a way to help yourself. I’m glad you’ve already started that by looking for another job
To anyone just beginning in a job, this is a great reminder why you should make every effort to build allies over the years, not only in your department but in other parts of the company. And in other companies, just in case.
I had a friend in a similar situation in a government job, and when her new boss (who never even gave her a chance) decided to let her go, she went to her allies who stepped in and saved the day. But as in Sandra’s case, that may not be enough.
Although I don’t know all your circumstances, from what you tell me if I were in your situation I would step up my efforts to find a new job. And since you say “I pray that God helps me make a decision”, this may be a gift from heaven after all. A boring job day in and day out eats at your spirit and your health. But when there are good conditions, it’s so hard to leave. Maybe you can think of this as a chance to find something that you actually like!
I’m reminded of the famous story about a woman who was trapped by a flood and prayed to God. When a boat came she sent it away saying God would save her. Then a helicopter came begging her to climb up, but she said “No. God will save me. he always has.” And she stayed firm in her faith of that and she waited. Unfortunately, she died. When she got to heaven, she asked God why he didn’t save her. God said “I sent you a boat AND a helicopter!”
This may be your helicopter.
Again, this is just my opinion. Only you know your circumstances. But if it feels right to you, I would suggest making a strong effort to find yourself a job. That means not only applying to things you see posted, but contacting friends, past employers, and anyone you can think of and let them know you are looking for a job that you really care about. And don’t spend a lot of time telling folks about how awful everything is where you are. As valid as your complaints are, you’ll get further in a job hunt by being positive. Also look for places you’d like to work and send them a great cover letter and resume. (I have posts on that elsewhere on this blog.)
Meanwhile, hard as it may be, keep doing your best where you are. Be extra friendly to your boss and treat her as if everything is ok. That’s not about being phony. It’s about letting go of what’s not working and setting your mind and heart on your future new job that is going to be so much better. That positive energy will carry over into your day and when you meet people who might know of a job. Don’t let this boss keep your spirit from finding the helicopter waiting for you out there!
I’ve had a long lifetime of careers and have had horrible situations that moved me to find something else. Of course, I tried to make it work first, but sometimes you just can’t. And each time, as much as I might have hated giving up the good parts and as much as I might have cursed some of the people who made it horrible, I was always grateful that something happened to make me look for something even better.
Hope that helps even a little. Please let us know what happens.
I wish you much luck, Sandra.
Ronnie Ann
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