So you’ve been at the job for a while and it’s finally time to find out what your boss really thinks of you. The door closes behind you as the air gets sucked out of the room. It’s just the two of you now.
And then it happens. Your boss says you aren’t pulling your weight. Or you didn’t take enough initiative on that last project. Or you’ve taken too many sick days. Or been late too often. Or the quality of your work is below par. Or simply you’re good…but not as good as you could be.
So how do you handle a bad review?
The most important thing you can do is enter that room with a willingness to hear what’s being said. I know it’s hard. It’s only natural to want to defend ourselves – especially if we feel that we’re being unfairly judged.
But the worst thing you can do is walk into the room ready for the fight. It’s a bad move. When you are in fight mode, you can’t hear the words as they are being said. And you might actually wind up hearing something useful for your own career – if you just listen.
I know that’s easier said than done. Whether you know it or not, even when we think we’re listening, we often have our internal filters going big time. Sometimes we only hear what we want to hear or the words get colored in away that reflects what we think the other person feels about us – or what we feel about them. Words that may be fairly harmless can come in and get processed in a way that turns them into big-time button-pushers. Oh yeah! You think I can do better? Well that’s what my mother used to say and I hated my mother! (Although usually the buttons aren’t that obvious.)
So more often than not, we’ve walked away from a bad review not having heard what was really said or having incorrectly interpreted the real meaning behind it. All the while interjecting lots of our own thoughts and associations into every word.
How to improve listening when we get work feedback
- Make a deal with yourself to listen from a place of knowing nothing and wanting to learn.
- Let your boss finish his thoughts before even trying to respond.
- Don’t run a script of automatic responses in your head while your boss is talking. While you’re doing that, you’re missing a lot of what is being said.
- Ask clarifying questions. (Allowing your boss to finish the point s/he is making, of course.) Rephrase what you think you heard so you can be sure you got it right.
- Show a willingness to listen by assuming a friendly, welcoming posture. You want your boss to know you’re willing to hear what s/he has to say. (If you keep your arms crossed in front of you, for example, it shows you are defending.)
What else should you do or say during the job review?
- Let your boss know you appreciate the constructive criticism (as hard as it is to say that).
- Discuss any points you think are unfair, but do so as calmly and intelligently as possible, making solid points for yourself by drawing on concrete examples – rather than simply saying it’s not true while looking all upset.
- Don’t bring up co-workers and point to how they are treated in comparison to you. It won’t help and makes you look like a cry-baby.
- Do calmly come up with things that you have improved on or accomplished over the last year that your boss may have forgotten to mention.
- Ask your boss for specific things you might work on over the next year.
- Make sure s/he knows you want to improve and are taking her/his words seriously.
- Thank her or him at the end, smiling, looking directly into her/his eyes, and shaking hands. You want to walk out with an air of positive strength and an honest commitment to improve. Even if not everything said feels fair, there’s always something you can work on. None of us is perfect.
Afterwards, send your boss a short e-mail note thanking her/him again for the constructive criticism and outlining the things you intend to do. Ask for any additional suggestions. This not only serves as a contract of sorts between you, but provides you written proof should there be more going on than just a less-than-glowing review.
A bad review can give you a chance to improve
It’s important to keep your perspective. I’ve known people who walk away devastated (and show it in their work attitude) just because the didn’t get “excellent” in every category. That’s way out of proportion and only hurting yourself.
But sometimes, a bad review is your boss’s way of putting you on notice that you better get your act together if you want to keep your job. If, during the review you get any sense that it might be the latter, then make sure you ask your boss directly whether you should be worried about losing your job. Better to know than not know.
But as I said, in most cases, bad reviews are just a wake-up call. The most important thing for you to look at is whether any of it came as a shock to you. If so, you might want to improve your office radar and also ask your boss for more regular meetings that help you know how s/he feels about your work. In fact, after a bad review, I’d make it a point to connect more regularly to discuss how things are going. And also, make sure your boss finds out about things you do well!
We all get bad reviews of some kind. So don’t feel bad!
I know one person who got a rotten review – so bad he felt like quitting – and he went around sulking and angry at everyone. But after we had a long talk, he stopped obsessing about everything he doesn’t get enough appreciation for (the list was long) and instead decided to take an approach that might actually do him some good. Whether he was right or wrong in fact, his way just wasn’t working.
So he sat down with his boss in a professional manner and sincerely acknowledged there was room for improvement – and that he would do whatever was necessary to the best of his ability. He also discussed some of the areas he wanted to get into that he hadn’t yet been given the opportunity to take on.
His boss was very happy about the improved attitude and willingness to change. They made a deal that if he buckled down and improved on his assigned tasks (and attitude) and did what the company needed from him, he would be given a chance to take on a some of the new things he really wanted. He did. They did. And he is now in a new role doing what he loves.
All he had to do was switch from his perpetual “they don’t appreciate me” mode to a new, improved “I am taking charge of my own career” mode. Plus, he moved himself out of “victim” mode by treating his boss as an ally and not an enemy. Ironically, the bad evaluation became the beginning pf his new career.
If you wind up getting one of those bad evaluations, try your best to let any resulting negative feelings go as soon as possible. See it as the beginning of the rest of your career – since it is. If you get stuck in being pissed off, you’ll only prove your boss’s point.
Instead, focus on what actions you can take now to show your boss – and yourself – how good you really are!
We usually have at least two choices: accept things as they are or change! Since you’re already at this job, it really does pay to give it another chance by seeing what you can do to make things better for yourself. You might surprise yourself.
But of course, if it’s really time for you to go…then see this as your ticket to something better. Sometimes when bad evaluations happen to good people it turns out to be a blessing. 
Good luck!
~ Ronnie Ann
Let me add to the list of people that have gotten bad reviews. I have been working at various companies for over 20 years and been at my current company for over 11 years, 4 years in this particular group. Over all that time I have never gotten a bad review, and this one was a doozy. Not only did I get a “Does not meets” but the comments were all negative. I was prepared for this review so I was able to respond calmly and refute many of the points. My problem was these 2 people were interim managers while my real manager was out on maternity leave. They really didnt manage me very well, the main problem being they cancelled our 1-1 meetings quite frequently so my feedback was not on a regular basis. That is the part that infuriates me the most – that I get all this dumped on me at the end of the year rather than what they shold have done and told me during the year. Anyway my regular boss returns in 4 weeks and I have asked these 2 numskulls to lay out what they want going forward. I have a meeting with their boss in 2 days to also discuss the review (I ran it by one of my bosses and he was fine with it). I have seen all the advice regarding playing nice and asking for the feedback to turn things around but I think there is a point where you have to at least be firm and direct and point out where you think things are incorrect. I plan to speak with their boss to point out that the review was done in bad faith and there are several inaccuracies in it which I can easlily point out with facts. I also kept track of all the times the 1-1 were cancelled. I also believe that if layoffs were to come this year this will be used as a reason.
so, what are peoples thoughts? Do I speak with the bosses boss? Do I just say “thank you” and wait for my regular manager to come back? They have already said some of my responsibilities will be taken away so I can focus on what I need to do to be successful.
Wow, Barry! Tough situation!
Can you pick up any hint of the “numskulls” doing this kind of thing to other employees?
The HR staff, if there is one, should be aware and advising in this situation – if they are effective.
My preference would be to wait for my real boss to return and ask her to help you recover from this situation – assuming that she IS returning. However, IF layoffs are pending, you could be in the cross-hairs with this review.
It sounds like you have already discussed going to the higher manager with one of the current bosses, so it may be difficult to back out. Regardless of what the current manager said to you about being “fine with it,” I doubt that they are happy you are planning to do this and may have already put their side forward.
So, I would present my case, as clearly and unemotionally as possible! Use all of your documentation – the list of cancelled meetings. If possible, refute the negative comments point-by-point with facts or other documentation. If you have copies of your old reviews, I would bring them too. These managers could be excused because they were filling in, without real familiarity with you and your work (yes?).
I would not throw around terms like “bad faith” or “numskulls” – regardless of how appropriate you feel they are. I would stick to the facts, pointing out the inaccuracies.
Re-read Ronnie Ann’s post before you go in.
Good luck!
Susan
I need advice, here is my situation:
I am the manager of several groups and this past year I put in 75 – 100 hours a week at work, not because I am inefficient but rather because we are so short staffed my teams can barely keep up. We also went through a full systems conversion to systems that are less automated and require more manual intervention. Several on my team have shown great leadership, several have essentially met the requirements, and of course I have a few that need improvement. I am giving them fair reviews based on their level of performance and they all should feel comfortable with what I am giving them, based on my ratings versus their self assessments.
Here is my problem, my direction is to not give anyone a good review (no need for advice here, I will do the right thing and take whatever punishment I get) and I was informed that I will be getting a met expectations on several major projects I worked on successfully. I met the due date of the project, overcame major obstacles throughout the project, and it was no secret I chose work over my family to complete the project. Now for the real kick to the head, everyone in the organization had the same objective in this project even if they had no involved. I agree they would all get a “met expectations” because they neither went out of their way to help or hinder the project. My level of attention and dedication to the project is what got it done on time. Not to mention all the day to day activities that needed addressed as well. Our top rating says that the employee would demonstrate a high level of self initiative (I never needed direction for this project, I actually set the guidelines for other regions to meet the same project) and demonstrates a high level of dedication to the job. I couldn’t have possibly done more to meet the date of the project, which was a very aggressive date. I don’t understand how this could be rated as “meets expectations”. The only feedback I got was that if I wanted a higher rating I should have beat the expected completion date. This is only one example, but am I out of line? I have plenty of feedback from my peers that says otherwise. My VP is so angry at my self assessment that I don’t even know if I can talk to him further. I feel like I gave of my life to do a great job only to find out that 1 person (my boss) says I did a mediocre job. HELP!!
Wow! Talk about a tough situation! I applaud you for doing the right thing by your people, but I do worry about your job when this is over.
Were you able to get any more details out of him about why he feels you did a mediocre job? It must (surely!) be about more than not beating a “very aggressive” project deadline which, I assume, you had little input in establishing. Doing a faster – but poorly done – implementation that beat the deadline would have been “exceeding expectations?” Is that really what he wanted? I don’t think so, but I could be wrong!
Do you have any proof that you did an “exceeds” job on this project? Congratulatory or laudatory emails you could provide to your boss? Do you have any allies in the organization – perhaps some of the regional people or one of your peers (or – very carefully – one of your bosses’ peers) – who could tell your boss, or document in an email to you that you could forward to your boss, about what an extraordinary job you did on this project? Or would that just be throwing fuel onto a fire?
Based on my experience in large organizations, this could be:
* You did it well, and you didn’t need his help.
* Your boss is out-of-touch with what’s really going on in his organization.
* Your boss wants you to move on (are you a threat to him?).
* Your boss is completely clueless.
If you have had a good relationship with him previously and gotten “exceeds” expectations in earlier reviews, perhaps there something else bothering him – something from my list above or something else?
If you can figure out what’s really wrong, you can address it going ahead, but – for this review – I’m really not sure what the best thing is. If the review has already been made a part of your official record, it may not be modifiable. Is there any possibility that someone from HR could help in this situation – or is that not do-able or not practical/acceptable in this organization?
I hope you have an up-to-date LinkedIn Profile, documentation of all your past achievements in this organization, and copies of everything in your personnel folder. Then, I would be seriously considering moving on to find a better situation or, at least, a better boss.
Good luck!
Susan
Ugh I just started a new job two and a half weeks ago and today I received verbal counseling from my manager. It seems I have not met their expectations. This is a first for me. At my previous job I was a star. I was well liked and performed very well and it was recognized by my bosses. I feel like my new manager is not always there to see what is going on. And is going by what my trainer is saying. The person that is training me is not the most patient person in the world. I am doing something different than I used to do and really don’t get it until I do it myself a few times. I got very upset when my manager told me today and I have not been able to shake it. I know this probably happens to a lot of people. I am just not used to it. I just felt incredibly awkward the rest of the day. I don’t want to be somewhere where people think I am doing sub par work. But I really need this job. I guess if I continue to feel uncomfortable maybe I can transfer in six months. I am going to reread your article and hopefully I can turn this around. I am just bummed because I really thought I was improving. Also I asked my manager what she thought. She told me that she would not be coming to me with this if she didn’t think I could do a good job. Just so confused need some advice.
Stay calm, K. It doesn’t feel like it, but his is good news even if it’s a shock to you after being a star in your previous job. As your manager said, she thinks you can do a good job and is trying to help you!
You say this job is “doing something different than you used to do” so that means you have things to learn. Excellent! You are stretching your capabilities, learning new things, and developing new skills.
So, pay attention to what they are telling you, and learn as much as you can. It sounds like a very good place to work – you have a trainer, and you also have a manager who is paying attention. Even if the trainer is not really patient, having a trainer is a luxury. Most of the time, new employees just get thrown into the job to succeed or to fail on their own. You have help!
So, don’t be discouraged. Just dig in, and show them you can do it! Show your manager she is right to have confidence in you. Go for it!
Good luck!
Susan
HELP-I HAD A BAD REVIEW
That’s what this article is all about, Mara. I give point-by-point tips. Do you have a specific question?