That must be so frustrating for you. I think being a boss is a lot like being a parent…especially when you get employees like the one you have.

I don’t know enough to offer suggestions since it depends on the way the relationship is set up and so much more. Do you have the ability to hire and fire? Do you do annual or semi-annual reviews that can affect her standing and raises? Do you chicken out of being firm? What happens when you say no and stick to it?

Like with any parent-child relationship, once they see they can bully you they know they can get away with more and more. And certain types are fed by this ability to get over on a parental figure. There must be a way for you to sit down with the person and set some limits and goals with them where you take over as boss again. Or at least i hope there is.

And if this is a government job…I have been in a management role in government and feel your pain even more. But I dug in and kept writing up incidents with a certain bully of my own and finally got them out of my department…even though I was made to be the ogre…at least by him. I decided not to keep it secret (bullies thrive on secrecy) and enlisted allies in fellow management and support staff. It helped. Things like this can be tough to solve alone.

I wish you much luck…or a new job. Please let us know how things are going for you!

So sorry to have taken this long to get back to you. Your comments are GREAT! They’re the reason I write this blog – and an inspiration to people in similar situations to yours.

Love your decision. Makes total sense. Realization, determination and baby steps…exactly!!

I wish you all the best, Patty. Please feel free to let us know how you’re doing. Thanks so much for sharing this.

~ Ronnie Ann

I have been a department store manager for 7 years. I never really enjoyed it, but have stayed in the industry because I’m good at what I do. And just like everyone else on this blog, I was lured into management by the pay, but I’m more than willing to give up my six figure salary for a change in scenery and to regain my work-life balance.

Again, thank you go giving me the piece of mind to sleep well tonight =)

I’m so sorry to be reading this. We were all so excited when you got your new job. But these things happen. I’ve certainly started a few “uh oh” jobs of my own.

As I said in the post, sometimes it’s about the specific job (and environment), but sometimes it’s just that we don’t like to manage. Your words “I spent 8 years in my last job as a happy individual contributor” may really be the answer, but of course only you can figure that out.

Personally I find consulting a nice hybrid, where I get to work at a challenging level, offering ideas and suggestions, but not having to deal with as much of the managerial bs…especially the administrative processes and rules that come with a government workplace.

I wish you MUCH luck deciding what you want to do and then making it happen. The good news…if I may offer some…is if you do decide to move on, your reason is a great one. Knowing who you are and aren’t can only benefit your next employer. Please let us know what happens!

~ Ronnie Ann