When we first start out, many of us can’t wait to become the boss. Finally you can do things the right way. You no longer have to be at the mercy of others who are in charge. Or so you think.
But being a boss has its own problems. First of all, unless you own the business, you usually have other bosses. Even if you are the head cheese, there might still be a Board or an Executive Committee to answer to. Or, more often, just the next boss up the totem pole.
Some people never dreamed of being a boss at all. They just kind of got promoted up there. And, while they like the extra money, they might not really like all that comes with it.
Whiny employees. Unrelenting deadlines. Bosses that undermine what you’re trying to accomplish. Day in and day out the load is now on their shoulders and, if for any reason they don’t have a top-notch group of employees ready to pitch in and make the work happen, their days become nothing but problem-solving and putting out fires.
Before they know it, they feel miserable and they feel trapped because the money is so good and there doesn’t seem to be any practical way out of this role that they are not enjoying.
Now I’m sure some of you non-bosses are saying “oh boo hoo!” You’re probably just as miserable and making a lot less, so getting more money to be equally miserable doesn’t sound all that bad. But trust me, there’s no joy in bossville when things are not going well.
Clearly, there’s no way for me to write a single post that magically makes being a boss a lot better. But here are a few thoughts that might help a little:
- You don’t have to do it all yourself. The sooner you learn to delegate, the better.
- Even those of you who think you are delegating may not be delegating enough or effectively. Make an extra effort to learn to delegate well.
- If you’ve delegated well and yet you have employees who are doing a rotten job, don’t close your eyes and hope it will get better. Start working with them right away. Meet regularly and set clear goals - and clear consequences should the goals not be met. And stick to them.
- If the employee(s) still does a rotten job, you could try to get someone else to work with him/her or to be an extra managing layer. I’ve seen this work sometimes. Other times, not so much. But it’s worth a shot.
- If you don’t want to fire the person or can’t, consider reorganizing and creating a different role for the person. Ask them what they are interested in and/or who they’d like to work with. While you need to make sure they understand there’s no guarantee, at least you can try for a better allocation of resources.
- If the person still isn’t working out, I’m sorry but you have to find a way to let them go. Even if it means you need to patiently follow a process of writing them up (as in a government job). I know that sucks, but I’ve done it and it’s worth it. Of course, if you can get them to apply elsewhere or even help them get another job, all the better. I’ve done that too and the person actually did a better job in another area more suited to his skills.
- Delegation is important…but you also have to roll up your sleeves sometimes and show you’re part of the everyday effort. That doesn’t mean micro-managing. It might mean taking a role on some projects. But more often it means finding out what your staff needs and helping lead them through choppy waters. Or just listening to them and offering support and encouragement where needed. And of course, letting them know when they do something good!
- Remember to hone your own leadership skills. Take classes in management, leadership, coaching, or even in a specialized areas of your business. Form a peer group and work with fellow managers to help each other. Try new things, even if they don’t all work out.
- Remember to solicit ideas from the staff. Don’t be a loner. Let them know your door is open and ideas welcome.
- Communicate up and down. Better to make the effort to find out what’s going on and let your staff in on things as much as possible. It keeps them from feeling left out and helps show you see them as part of your team.
- Also remember to keep your sense of humor. If the workplace doesn’t include laughter, it makes everyone miserable.
- An occasional surprise might brighten everyone’s spirit including yours. Think about what would make you smile (other than winning the lottery) if you were one of your employees. Some people think you can’t work hard and still have some fun at the same time. You can.
- This also applies to the atmosphere you create. In fact, firms who treat employees like adults with flexibility and respect get better productivity. And firms who limit freedom, such as not allowing any personal e-mail or monitoring every move, get limited returns. (But if someone regularly abuses the freedom and/or doesn’t get their work done, then of course they must be dealt with firmly. That’s only fair to everyone else.)
- Ask your staff to work with you to make things better. It could be individual contributions or even an ongoing committee or task force. Yes..I know people dread these things, but if you keep the meetings short and set clear goals that actually result in positive change, people feel good about their contributions. You could even include one (probably not two) of those “special people” who make your day less than fun. You might be surprised what they add. (If not, come up with an assignment and put them into their own one-person task force!)
- Come up with some projects or changes that make YOU happy. Be creative. You are the boss after all.
Of course, if you really are miserable and nothing you do helps, then maybe it’s time for you to think about changing jobs and/or even not being a boss any more. Not everyone is suited for the role. Why stay miserable when you could change your life for the better?
Is there something else you’d rather do? Another company? A slightly different role? Would going back to school help open things up for you? Or maybe even some volunteer work that could lead to eventual change - or just a chance to do something you feel good about.
Oh, I know we all have obligations and I also know change is hard…but it’s even harder 5 years from now when your health has deteriorated and your misery index is through the roof. Now is the best time to do something to help yourself. Even if it means a cut in pay, you’ll work your way up again, but this time doing something you actually enjoy. Won’t that be a nice change!
And whether you stay or not, don’t forget to feed your spirit with things you love. A class in sculpting. Piano lessons. Tai chi. Yoga. Singing. Snowboarding. Dirt biking. Anything fun to shake up the rut of day in and day out drudgery. You’d be amazed how some simple changes in how you treat yourself can reflect back on the job and on your employees. When you feel more balanced and joyful, it kind of rubs off on all those around you. (Even your family.) Or at the very least, you aren’t as focused on all those annoyances. You now have cooler stuff to think about.
Well, maybe you’ll never love being a boss. But with a few changes maybe…just maybe…you won’t hate it quite so much any more. (-;
Good luck!
15 responses so far ↓
1 Herman Najoli // Oct 6, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I think it’s also in the perception. A ‘boss’ is usually perceived as an authoritative, mean kind of guy, constantly delegating work and not lifting a finger to help. A leader, on the other hand, is perceived as someone who cares for those that are following her, someone who patiently coaches and guides others to achieve excellence at what they do. Most people would prefer to be referred to as leaders rather than bosses. What do you think?
2 Ronnie Ann // Oct 6, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Great comment. I agree with your basic premise, Herman. It’s just that some people I know can’t quite yet see themselves as leaders and for others the very thought puts them off. They aren’t too eager to take on the role in the first place, but there they are wearing the shoes anyway. And more frequently than you might think, my work brings me in contact with people who don’t delegate well. So I wrote this from that perspective, while of course suggesting things a good leader would do.
But yes indeed…”Boss” does sound like someone chomping a cigar and blowing it in your face. Point well taken. In truth, a good boss is a a leader and a coach - as well as a manager. Some bosses are like you describe and it would be good if they could see themselves in a more supportive role - but there are also some bosses (often women) who just don’t feel comfortable with the title or with being in charge at all and so they act and carry themselves like staff. That usually doesn’t serve them or the business well. And, unfortunately, there are employees who sense weakness and take advantage. So I was also addressing that type of boss in my post. I probably could have been more clear. Your comment adds nicely to the discussion. Seeing themselves as leaders and learning to feel comfortable in that role would benefit everyone. Thanks.
3 Ronnie Ann // Oct 6, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Hi again Herman!
I went back and made a few small changes to the post based on your thoughts. Thanks for the coaching. We can all learn from each other.
4 Laurie // Oct 7, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I think most people want to be the boss because most people are drawn to power, status, and money. Too bad being a boss rarely delivers. I think it’s tremendously important for companies to create an equivalent “professional” track for those who just cannot lead a team but can create & innovate with great success!
5 Ronnie Ann // Oct 8, 2007 at 9:49 am
I agree about there being a need for people who aren’t great at being the boss to still be able to get ahead. Sometimes that “boss” position becomes a roadblock to their advancement and therefore acts as a strong disincentive.
On the other hand, I’ve worked with people in IT who didn’t think they had the leadership skills nor did they especially want the responsibility, but with some coaching and a chance to lead (and maybe a few courses), they not only did well, they began to like it. A lot depends on the workplace itself and the attitude/creativity of management.
But yes…there are also people I know who clearly never ever want to lead and they deserve a path that offers room for growth. The problem would be mathematical - only so many high level employees can be left dangling on an org chart without some hierarchy that includes an extra manager! (-;
6 Sarah McNulty // Mar 21, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’m so glad someone posted this. I was so exasperated this morning I Googled “I hate being the boss.”
Its true; Most people dream about the day they can finally be in charge. Unfortunately now that I’m “The Boss” my life is a living hell. For one, I am obligated to work 12-14 hour days. This was cool at first since I’m a workaholic, but the now I’ve become jaded and the nice salary does me no good. The owner of our company makes the Worst business decisions, which forces me to “voice my opinion.” He usually takes my feedback seriously, but it’s like I’m his mother. He always needs to be reminded of the simplest things…
The good business instinct and common sense is there in me, but managing people (including my boss) just stresses me out.
Finally! I’ve made it to being “The Boss!” And it sucks!
7 Ronnie Ann // Mar 21, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Hi Sarah!
How I feel your pain. Glad it helped to learn you are not alone. I remember once being promoted above two people who were at a higher level than me to begin with - and they spent the next 3 years shooting daggers at me. One day one of them came running in with a big smile on her face showing me an article in the newspaper saying that people with my body type are more likely to die of a heart attack. Really! She was beaming as she told me. All I could do was find things for them to do that gave them autonomy and kept them out of my face. Meanwhile I focused on lots of other stuff that needed special attention. But that situation was never going to be ideal for me as long as they were there. And they were lifers. Eventually I moved on - not for them; I learned to deal with the daggers. I moved on when I found something that matched me better. (I prefer to move towards rather than run from.)
Speaking of moving towards…sometimes the best thing about being promoted to boss level is that it lets you look for a cool job somewhere else! Don’t sell yourself short. There are good situations out there where being the boss can actually be fun (at least some of the time) and there are others where you can manage a project with NO employees (or maybe one good one). And sometimes, it just allows you to move into a senior level job elsewhere where you are supporting someone high enough up to be challenging, but you have no staff.
So, first decide whether it’s really that you don’t want to be a boss or it’s the particular situation you are in and the difficulty setting healthy boundaries because of how you rose up - and because of the boss you have now. There is always an upside to discovering what type of job you really want. For me…I realized I hated being a boss but LOVED challenge, and so I found a niche for myself (kind of through accident with a little chutzpah thrown in) and became a consultant earning a lot more money for less hours spent working.
Just wanted to throw out a few ideas in case any of them resonate. If not, please know I really understand all too well that it is not all wine and roses being a boss. But some wine and roses might help.
Good luck! Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Ronnie Ann
8 Ronnie Ann // Mar 21, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Hello again Sarah. Hope it’s ok to add one more thought. This may or may not apply in your case.
Sometimes a situation like this is really more about managing ourselves and our boundaries than about managing those around us. This is such a common problem - and it’s a great epiphany moment in our careers when we finally get this. Luckily, there are classes out there that can help a manager learn about boundaries, healthy communication, and how to set-up a job so that we don’t keep recreating these situations.
Where you are now it may not be possible to undo the organizational and behavioral structure that exists (then again, since you’re already managing up, learning some of the tricks of managing up might help improve things). But if you are thinking about moving on, it might just pay to take one of these work-life-changing classes (or find a book on the subject) so you can set things up in away that will make it less stressful for you from this moment forward. I only dared mention this because I was one of those people and had to learn ways to change what I was doing that set things up in ways that drove me crazy.
If none of this rings true for you, never mind. As I always remind my readers, there’s no way I can hit the target every time from such a distance. So sometimes I just share what comes up for me and see if any of it helps!
Ronnie Ann
9 Val // Apr 1, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Sarah, I just had the same experience of being so exasperated I just searched for “I hate managing people”. I do. I really do. I am talented with people development and just relish teaching people new things and helping coach them to acquire skills they never even knew they had! It’s a thrill. I’m just better suited as a consultant or coach, not a supervisor.
I’ve learned this after 3 years of being a branch manager at a large bank. The endless customer complaints, the endless “sick” days from team members, the endless sales pressure and endless corporate BS…all of it finally got to me. I finally said “enough already” and let my manager know that he’s more than welcome to fill my spot after May 2. I’m currently looking for work that will capitalize on my strengths and passions…and leaving behind what’s not working.
It is truly a shame companies don’t have more options for talented employees to move up rather than in management. I face the challenge of what career advice I can offer my talented employees who want to stay with the company, but don’t want to be managers. It’s pretty tough to find work that pays well, is challenging and doesn’t involve managing others. The assumption that just because you are a good, reliable, intelligent and talented team member…that you will be a great manager is the norm and just not accurate.
I’m looking forward to my freedom…and don’t care if I have to take a pay cut. My happiness is worth it!!
10 Ronnie Ann // Apr 1, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Congratulations Val for knowing what you want and don’t want. Why make yourself miserable when you have so many marketable skills? Life’s too short.
Hmmm…sounds like you’d be perfect as a trainer/organizational development consultant. Consulting companies get paid huge $$$ to do this - and then they get to walk away. Some colleges/universities offer degrees or sometimes even certificates in those fields should you need an extra credential. Might be fun to get a bank to pay you twice what you’re making now to train their employees - and not have to manage them!
But I agree that less money is well worth it if you find something more in synch with who you are; I’ve gone that route myself and never regretted it. And I also agree with you totally about the limited nature of career paths. There need to be other organizational options for people with high level skills (but who don’t want to be managers) to move up the ladder.
Enjoy your freedom. And please feel free to let us know what you wind up doing. I love stories like yours. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Good luck!
Ronnie Ann
11 jmatt // Apr 24, 2008 at 10:43 am
I too typed “I hate being a manager” into Google and found this site. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one. There are benefits, no doubt, but I don’t think they’re worth it.
I work constantly. I mean every single day of the year I am on call. Even when I’m on vacation I need to keep my phone with me in case of emergency. I am consumed almost every waking moment with work related issues and it is driving me nuts. My personal life feels like it’s a shambles, and my health is deteriorating.
Wow. In typing this I think I just came to the conclusion that I must quit and find a new job. It is obvious.
12 Ronnie Ann // Apr 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Wow, jmatt! How cool. Thank you for sharing your process with us.
I agree. If this job is making you miserable and affecting your health and there is nothing you can do to fix it, then you owe it to yourself to find something that meets your real needs. Even if the salary is less, the “health benefits” will be MUCH better.
As I’ve said so many times, not all jobs are the same - but we are. So when you start a new job, it’s important to bring the lessons from the old job with you. And remember to set boundaries - so you don’t just replicate the old conditions! If you do start looking, be as careful interviewing the company as they are in interviewing you. Try to get a feel for the way they treat employees and what they expect.
Good luck, jmatt! Would love to hear how it goes.
Oh…and for anyone reading this…if you are miserable in your job, you might want to try writing a letter to yourself. Don’t stop to think or edit. By the time you’re done, you may see things more clearly too.
Ronnie Ann
13 Hate Your Job? Write Yourself a Letter « Work Coach // Apr 24, 2008 at 1:34 pm
[...] Your Job? Write Yourself a Letter I just got a GREAT comment from jmatt, who, in the process of writing to Work Coach, solved his own problem. In effect, when he was [...]
14 Hannah // Jun 27, 2008 at 1:17 pm
It seems to me that while I am in agreement with most of the comments here (I too typed in “I hate managing people”), there is one thing you guys seem to be getting which I don’t - the decent salary! I am below 20k per year managing 17 people for one of the biggest banks in the world. I hate being the bad guy, I hate people forgetting I am a person too, I hate the unrealistic deadlines and I hate not getting paid for the overtime I do (around 3 hrs per day) managers in our company do not get paid a penny for overtime, or get given any time back. Most of my employees take home more than I do because they get paid for overtime. I am desperately seeking another role which does not involve people management, yet which is still challenging - unfortunately (as many agencies have advised would happen) I get pigeon holed and am only wanted for other managing roles! I have only GCSE qualifications, no degree (due to bad choices at the not-so-wise age of 16), I have a mortgage to pay so cannot go back to college or take an entry level job which necessitates a pay cut. Most months I go 1 - 2 weeks without any food in my cupboard because after bills etc, I am left with nothing, leaving me wondering why I put myself through this misery when I don’t even have anything to show for it…. Where the hell do I go now?
15 Ronnie Ann // Jun 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Hi Hannah!
Oh how I wish I could come there and give you a big hug! You seem like a bright person with much to offer, and yet the circumstances do not make it easy for you…to say the least.
I live in the U.S. and unfortunately don’t know what it’s like there - especially when it comes to asking for raises. If you lived here, I’d suggest you read a few of my posts on that topic. (Look under the Salary and benefits category.) Certainly, at the very least, a case could be made for a raise.
But I know that isn’t your real issue. You want a way out of that hole that keeps you from a job you could truly shine at. Or at least one that gets you out of the managing role!
I’ve worked in banking and was actually in a major bank’s training program. Any chance you could prepare a great presentation and take it to your boss, asking that you be put into one of their training programs? Would it work against you to ask? This could open up so many doors - and even get you to a job that might pay for further education.
Other than that, the only thing I would suggest from my experience here, is to network as much as possible (see posts in that category on this blog), trying to find someone to take a chance on you. The main trick is to know in your heart how much you can offer them and let them see your enthusiasm and determination.
After a while a job like the one you have and things like not having enough food!!! wear your spirit down. I’m so sorry. But the one thing I can tell you is that even from this short comment, I see someone with great potential.
One other thought about that mortgage…and I know this is really reaching…is there any way to give yourself more flexibility so you can go back to school? Roommate? Selling the house and renting? Anything??? An investment in yourself now (or rearranging something), can help build a future that you will look forward to. Doing the same thing probably won’t get you to different results.
I know this sounds like just words, but I know from my own life there is always something you can do…even if it means shaking things up. I can’t give you the exact answer, but I have a feeling with a little encouragement you’ll find a way. Sometimes feeling trapped can actually help us break out of a path that isn’t working. I wouldn’t say that if I hadn’t experienced my own “dead ends” along the way - and broken free even though it felt impossible. Please know you can do it. There is an answer.
I wish you much luck, Hannah, finding someone or something that will help you get to a better job and life!
Ronnie Ann
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