When we first start out, many of us can’t wait to become the boss. Finally you can do things the right way. You no longer have to be at the mercy of others who are in charge. Or so you think.
But being a boss has its own problems. First of all, unless you own the business, you usually have other bosses. Even if you are the head cheese, there might still be a Board or an Executive Committee to answer to. Or, more often, just the next boss up the totem pole.
Some people never dreamed of being a boss at all. They just kind of got promoted up there. And, while they like the extra money, they might not really like all that comes with it.
Whiny employees. Unrelenting deadlines. Bosses that undermine what you’re trying to accomplish. Day in and day out the load is now on their shoulders and, if for any reason they don’t have a top-notch group of employees ready to pitch in and make the work happen, their days become nothing but problem-solving and putting out fires.
Before they know it, they feel miserable and they feel trapped because the money is so good and there doesn’t seem to be any practical way out of this role that they are not enjoying.
Now I’m sure some of you non-bosses are saying “oh boo hoo!” You’re probably just as miserable and making a lot less, so getting more money to be equally miserable doesn’t sound all that bad. But trust me, there’s no joy in bossville when things are not going well.
Clearly, there’s no way for me to write a single post that magically makes being a boss a lot better. But here are a few thoughts that might help a little:
- You don’t have to do it all yourself. The sooner you learn to delegate, the better.
- Even those of you who think you are delegating may not be delegating enough or effectively. Make an extra effort to learn to delegate well.
- If you’ve delegated well and yet you have employees who are doing a rotten job, don’t close your eyes and hope it will get better. Start working with them right away. Meet regularly and set clear goals – and clear consequences should the goals not be met. And stick to them.
- If the employee(s) still does a rotten job, you could try to get someone else to work with him/her or to be an extra managing layer. I’ve seen this work sometimes. Other times, not so much. But it’s worth a shot.
- If you don’t want to fire the person or can’t, consider reorganizing and creating a different role for the person. Ask them what they are interested in and/or who they’d like to work with. While you need to make sure they understand there’s no guarantee, at least you can try for a better allocation of resources.
- If the person still isn’t working out, I’m sorry but you have to find a way to let them go. Even if it means you need to patiently follow a process of writing them up (as in a government job). I know that sucks, but I’ve done it and it’s worth it. Of course, if you can get them to apply elsewhere or even help them get another job, all the better. I’ve done that too and the person actually did a better job in another area more suited to his skills.
- Delegation is important…but you also have to roll up your sleeves sometimes and show you’re part of the everyday effort. That doesn’t mean micro-managing. It might mean taking a role on some projects. But more often it means finding out what your staff needs and helping lead them through choppy waters. Or just listening to them and offering support and encouragement where needed. And of course, letting them know when they do something good!
- Remember to hone your own leadership skills. Take classes in management, leadership, coaching, or even in a specialized areas of your business. Form a peer group and work with fellow managers to help each other. Try new things, even if they don’t all work out.
- Remember to solicit ideas from the staff. Don’t be a loner. Let them know your door is open and ideas welcome.
- Communicate up and down. Better to make the effort to find out what’s going on and let your staff in on things as much as possible. It keeps them from feeling left out and helps show you see them as part of your team.
- Also remember to keep your sense of humor. If the workplace doesn’t include laughter, it makes everyone miserable.
- An occasional surprise might brighten everyone’s spirit including yours. Think about what would make you smile (other than winning the lottery) if you were one of your employees. Some people think you can’t work hard and still have some fun at the same time. You can.
- This also applies to the atmosphere you create. In fact, firms who treat employees like adults with flexibility and respect get better productivity. And firms who limit freedom, such as not allowing any personal e-mail or monitoring every move, get limited returns. (But if someone regularly abuses the freedom and/or doesn’t get their work done, then of course they must be dealt with firmly. That’s only fair to everyone else.)
- Ask your staff to work with you to make things better. It could be individual contributions or even an ongoing committee or task force. Yes..I know people dread these things, but if you keep the meetings short and set clear goals that actually result in positive change, people feel good about their contributions. You could even include one (probably not two) of those “special people” who make your day less than fun. You might be surprised what they add. (If not, come up with an assignment and put them into their own one-person task force!)
- Come up with some projects or changes that make YOU happy. Be creative. You are the boss after all.
Of course, if you really are miserable and nothing you do helps, then maybe it’s time for you to think about changing jobs and/or even not being a boss any more. Not everyone is suited for the role. Why stay miserable when you could change your life for the better?
Is there something else you’d rather do? Another company? A slightly different role? Would going back to school help open things up for you? Or maybe even some volunteer work that could lead to eventual change – or just a chance to do something you feel good about.
Oh, I know we all have obligations and I also know change is hard…but it’s even harder 5 years from now when your health has deteriorated and your misery index is through the roof. Now is the best time to do something to help yourself. Even if it means a cut in pay, you’ll work your way up again, but this time doing something you actually enjoy. Won’t that be a nice change!
And whether you stay or not, don’t forget to feed your spirit with things you love. A class in sculpting. Piano lessons. Tai chi. Yoga. Singing. Snowboarding. Dirt biking. Anything fun to shake up the rut of day in and day out drudgery. You’d be amazed how some simple changes in how you treat yourself can reflect back on the job and on your employees. When you feel more balanced and joyful, it kind of rubs off on all those around you. (Even your family.) Or at the very least, you aren’t as focused on all those annoyances. You now have cooler stuff to think about.
Well, maybe you’ll never love being a boss. But with a few changes maybe…just maybe…you won’t hate it quite so much any more. (-;
Good luck!
Ronnie Ann***
Still hate being a boss? Check out my more recent post:
Memo from Boss to Staff: I Really REALLY Hate Managing You!
And BTW Ronnie Ann, your wise and supportive words have obviously been a great help to all these people – well done.
Hi Angela!
What a great comment!!! Thank you. And thank you also for the kind words. I think your own words here will be very helpful to others; so if you don’t mind, I’ll probably turn it into a post.
Congratulations on making a really smart move. We not only have to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em…we have to know who we are and who we aren’t.
You’re right in thinking it might just be this job and there are other management spots out there you could thrive in. Then again…you may also find ways to take on new challenges (I did it by consulting) without being a manager, should that wind up being better for you.
Best of luck!
Ronnie Ann
Also came here through google… i think this comment thread should be used as a venting / I’m not alone apparatus until the dawn of the interwebs times.
Hi jm!
I’m thinking of starting a forum on this blog. May just have to add this as a topic. Thanks. And sorry you had to even google this.
~ Ronnie Ann
Another point to bring up is that when you are the boss, you can’t be friends with or hang out with the people you spend your days with. I found that this was the single most difficult thing to deal with. I had nothing in common with other leaders in the building. It wasn’t me. I am a hard worker, but I am also a nonconformist. I could only sell out so much until the conflict with my personality causes me to have increased allergies and arthritis flare-ups. I gave up the extra money, went back to school, and have more friends than I ever have.
Sounds like you did the smart thing for your health and life balance. Not everyone is as in touch with and respectful of their real needs. I wish you all the best!
~ Ronnie Ann
Wow thanks for this. I too came here from typing “I hate being a boss” and found this article. So many resources out there for employees who have terrible bosses. But nothing for middle managers who are feeling caught between employees and upper management.
Which is my dilemma. My boss gives me what seems like a clear goal and I move to act on it.
Employees then complain I’m being too tough and next my boss admonishes me for it. Only later to praise me for increased productivity or goals being reached.
The only thing I can say I like about my job is the pay. I’ve become really withdrawn at work recently, not speaking to my boss or the team I’m in charge of unless I have too.
He also jokes with employees about how “mean” I am. I once caught him joking with an employee. Suggesting that I would kick a co-workers barking little dog! I was really hurt, I happen to be an animal lover and would never do anything like that.
So here I am stuck in the middle and doing my best to avoid unpleasant conflict. Because I’m always the one who’s supposedly wrong (even though my boss praises my toughness in private).
I feel like I’ve been forced into a game of good cop/bad cop with no way out.
This is a good paying job, with bonuses and benefits. Not easy to find in the current economy (yes I’ve looked).
Hi Gerri!
I really feel your pain. I’ve been put in similar situations in my own work life. Only you know what works best for you, but it does sound like your being put in a very uncomfortable position that may in the long run not be the best for you. And I have a few choice words for our boss, even though I won’t share them here.
I understand about pay and each person of course needs to decide the balance for themselves, but for a different perspective, see what Amy says in the comment above yours.
I wish you all the luck. If it helps, feel free to stop by on occasion and let us know how you’re doing. I wish you all the best!
~ Ronnie Ann
Thanks Ronnie! Yes Amy’s comment was helpful! I’m thinking about moving on..but now probably isn’t the right time.
I’ve pulled back a lot. Being reduced to near tears, anger, and frustration at work isn’t good. I am proud of myself. I’ve been subtely putting my boss in the position to do his own dirty work. I get pulled in every now and then but I’m getting better at recognizing when I’m being manipulated into being the “bad guy”.
I agree in the long-run this isn’t the best situation. I did take a management seminar recently and it helped a little. Thanks for listening..
Sounds like you’re handling it as well as anyone could. Sometimes situations like this – especially as you work to make it a bit more tolerable – are a great place to begin thinking about steps that will get you to an even better place eventually.
Best of luck, Gerri!
~ Ronnie Ann
Well Ronnie…I’m back on your page again, but instead of angsting about not getting the offer letter it’s because I now have 5 people reporting to me and I hate it. I spent 8 years in my last job as a happy individual contributor. I knew I wouldn’t like being a manager but it really is worse than I thought. I’m taking steps to make it more pallatable, but I’m not sure if I will stay in this environment. I am in a public sector company with “lifers” who have never been accountable for their performance. I don’t want to spend the last 10 years of my career having the work I love being ruined by having to drag a staff behind me. Sorry to sound so negative, but I’m really down about this right now.
Hi jcny!
I’m so sorry to be reading this. We were all so excited when you got your new job. But these things happen. I’ve certainly started a few “uh oh” jobs of my own.
As I said in the post, sometimes it’s about the specific job (and environment), but sometimes it’s just that we don’t like to manage. Your words “I spent 8 years in my last job as a happy individual contributor” may really be the answer, but of course only you can figure that out.
Personally I find consulting a nice hybrid, where I get to work at a challenging level, offering ideas and suggestions, but not having to deal with as much of the managerial bs…especially the administrative processes and rules that come with a government workplace.
I wish you MUCH luck deciding what you want to do and then making it happen. The good news…if I may offer some…is if you do decide to move on, your reason is a great one. Knowing who you are and aren’t can only benefit your next employer. Please let us know what happens!
~ Ronnie Ann
This site is so therapeutic! God bless you Ronnie Ann! I didn’t realize that so many others felt the same way I did. For the last 7 months I’ve felt like such a failure and an ingrate for not liking my well paid job… now I know that I need to find what a job that makes me happy!
I have been a department store manager for 7 years. I never really enjoyed it, but have stayed in the industry because I’m good at what I do. And just like everyone else on this blog, I was lured into management by the pay, but I’m more than willing to give up my six figure salary for a change in scenery and to regain my work-life balance.
Again, thank you go giving me the piece of mind to sleep well tonight =)
I’m going to take baby steps… I’m going to start looking for a job in a smaller retailer, go back to earn my master’s degree what I’ve recently discovered is my true passion… HR/recruiting =)
Hi Patty!
So sorry to have taken this long to get back to you. Your comments are GREAT! They’re the reason I write this blog – and an inspiration to people in similar situations to yours.
Love your decision. Makes total sense. Realization, determination and baby steps…exactly!!
I wish you all the best, Patty. Please feel free to let us know how you’re doing. Thanks so much for sharing this.
~ Ronnie Ann
Ronnie Ann,
Thank you for tthis Website. Like many of your followers, I’m am exasparated!! Anyone ever dealt with a subordinate bully? Any advice?? She bullies me into decisions I don’t want to make. I get zippo respect.
Hi Allison!
That must be so frustrating for you. I think being a boss is a lot like being a parent…especially when you get employees like the one you have.
I don’t know enough to offer suggestions since it depends on the way the relationship is set up and so much more. Do you have the ability to hire and fire? Do you do annual or semi-annual reviews that can affect her standing and raises? Do you chicken out of being firm? What happens when you say no and stick to it?
Like with any parent-child relationship, once they see they can bully you they know they can get away with more and more. And certain types are fed by this ability to get over on a parental figure. There must be a way for you to sit down with the person and set some limits and goals with them where you take over as boss again. Or at least i hope there is.
And if this is a government job…I have been in a management role in government and feel your pain even more. But I dug in and kept writing up incidents with a certain bully of my own and finally got them out of my department…even though I was made to be the ogre…at least by him. I decided not to keep it secret (bullies thrive on secrecy) and enlisted allies in fellow management and support staff. It helped. Things like this can be tough to solve alone.
I wish you much luck…or a new job.
Please let us know how things are going for you!
Just want to say thanks to Barbara Saunders for adding so nicely to the conversation. Please feel free to stop by any time!
The Work Coach Cafe Team