It’s Not Just Work That’s Driving You Nuts

So your job’s driving you nuts? I’m sorry. I know how awful that can be. I’ve been there MANY times myself and know how it feels.

That said, basically there are two components to how you feel about work: what’s being done to you from the outside and what you’re doing to yourself.

Wait! I hear some of you already screaming at me that you aren’t doing anything. You want me to know you’re doing your best but THEY are driving you nuts anyway. I know. Like I said…I’ve been there more times than I can count.

But until they change how they are or what they are or aren’t doing, you are the only one you can influence for sure. So although I hope you read some of my posts about things you can actively do to help change what’s happening around you, in the meantime let’s talk about what you can do right now that might help – even if only a little.

Did you ever notice that sometimes – with no additional input from the outside – we start focusing on all the work stuff that bugs us and we really go to town stirring up the anger inside us? Oooh how all those things suddenly seem unbearable when you put them all together.

Or we’re in a meeting with someone who annoys the beejeezus out of us, even though at the moment he or she is acting just fine. But as soon as they open their mouths, wham – everything we’ve ever felt about them piles into the room. Can you just feel the anger rising?

A friend of mine just told me that he was finally able to stop himself from getting caught up in the cycle of resentment he’s been feeling at work. Nothing changed except that he decided to catch himself when this started happening and, just for that moment, not to obsess on how awful everything is. Break the obsessive behavior of ruminating on and exploring the anger and just get on with the work and life. And that’s what he did. Nothing at the job had actually changed except his attitude and perspective, but that was enough to reduce the role he’s been playing in his own misery.

Now this wasn’t the first time he tried, but this time he caught himself at the very moment he was adding to his own misery by obsessing and it finally clicked – and he managed to have a much better day because of it. Sounds small I guess, but for him it felt major.

Right now I have a pain in my neck. (I use this example because of the obvious metaphor.) I slept wrong and also have been having some muscle problems in the area. I did my stretches and whatever else I could think of to help, but the pain is still there. Still, I can choose to focus on it and it alone, or I can remind myself to relax, not get caught up in this one thing, and simply get back to things I need to be doing. Work is like that.

When things are bad, I naturally recommend doing all you can to help make things better. But there’s no need to feed your own hurt and anger. That never helps and often only leads to you feeling worse about everything.

So next time you catch yourself focusing on stuff that’s driving you nuts, just do what my friend did: catch yourself in the process of doing it (and congratulate yourself for that because it isn’t easy), stop the feeding pattern in its tracks, and turn your attention to something more productive. Or just get up and take a quick walk and see if you can find something more fun to think about for the moment. Maybe think about something funny or someone you love. Whatever it takes to break the pattern of obsessing and, in effect, making yourself feel worse than just the job alone can possibly be responsible for.

You can’t control the job and you can’t control your boss, but the feelings are yours and yours alone. And that’s the good news, since you CAN learn healthier ways to deal with how you react to what’s going on around you. That puts some of the power back in YOUR hands.

Now this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also look for ways to improve conditions for yourself, but by turning down the intensity of your frustration and not getting stuck there, you can actually enjoy your workday more – and hopefully even find a clearer head to help change things for the better in the long run.

At the very least, you can decide not to let the job drive you quite as nuts any more. Not a small thing when you think about it.

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New Work Coach Cafe Policy:

Although I had to stop answering individual questions (to preserve my sanity), as always your thoughts and stories are VERY welcome here.

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