Trying to “fix” anyone is a fool’s game. Short of brainwashing, certain quasi-legal methods of behavior modification, and maybe blackmail, there is very little you can do to change someone else’s behavior if they don’t want to change. Yet recently I’ve read articles on the Internet about that very thing.
While I believe in positive thinking, I am not one to promise the impossible. And I believe in a reality check. In most cases, the best you can hope for is finding ways to cope with a boss who can’t manage – and maybe finding things to help make the situation a bit more manageable for yourself. That’s not the same as fixing things – they’ll still be broken. You’re just creating a workaround to help keep you sane. But sometimes that can make all the difference in how your workday feels!
Not only is fixing a boss basically a wasted effort, but exactly what would a fixed boss be like anyway? What if your idea of a fixed boss is different than mine? Just imagine if everyone got the bright idea and decided to do it at the same time. Each person’s idea of what makes a “perfect” boss would be banging into the other person’s idea. And meanwhile, what if they’re also trying to fix you? What a mess!
So what can you do about a boss from hell – or even one from heck?
Well, you can decide to change jobs of course. Sometimes a new work environment has a very different personality. But all too often, it has its own downsides. They almost all do in one way or another.
So, even though you may ask “Why do I have to make extra efforts if I’m not the cause of all this?” (I’ve seen this question in comments on other websites) the simple answer is “To stay sane.” And because in the long run, some effort now on your part may save you a lot of frustration in the long run.
Whining won’t help you feel better. Action will. You are the only person who you can control for sure at least when it comes to trying to change someone’s behavior.
There are way too many types of “broken” bosses to cover all possibilities here, but here are a few suggestions based on things that have worked for me in the past:
- Build alliances with co-workers and people from other areas within the company or companies you deal with.
- Build a relationship with your boss to the best of your ability. (More can be found on that in previous posts.) You need to at least be able to get him or her to listen to your ideas, even if there is no mutual love.
- Make sure you do a good job and are respected by others, so your boss will want to listen to your ideas – or at least feel obligated. (That’s where those alliances can help too. Just like on the TV show Survivor.)
- Manage up. That doesn’t mean you have to take on your boss’ work; it just means you will try to plant ideas and suggest things that your boss may then decide to act on (or steal). But even if the latter is the case, if you have a solid network of support, he can’t steal as easily.
- Or if your boss is just incompetent, then helping your boss plan for the future might make life easier for you and everyone. Again, this is a great time to enlist the help of others in kind of a group managing up effort.
- Don’t get too caught up in everything your boss does or says unless it directly affects you or your work. You have your own job to deal with and if you started baby-sitting every move or a truly incompetent boss, you’ll just be overwhelmed.
- Do the very best you can at your own work and only go to your boss with work questions when necessary. Some bosses, especially the not-so-good ones, feel obligated to insert their ideas if you come to them – sort of an attempt to feel needed. Don’t put yourself in that position if you are fine on your own. (You may feel the urge to let your boss participate in the process up front to help build up your relationship, but unless you are prepared to deal with some bad ideas, it’s best to present him with finished products and then deal with his comments later. Good bosses with good ideas can be involved earlier on, of course.)
- If you see a problem, fix it if you can ASAP. If you have to tell your boss about a problem, then come with solutions. (This applies to all bosses, not just the broken ones.)
- If your boss is rude to you or yells, talk to him as respectfully and yet firmly as you can and let him no you would prefer not to be treated this way. Some bosses just need to know that they can’t get away with it. If he stays rude, you may choose to talk to him again and this time, explain that you respect him (yes, say it) and want to do a good job, but if he continues to be rude (or yell) you will have to walk away until he cools down because it gets you upset. And follow through if you can. If he just needs to yell and you can stand it…well, listen politely, don’t yell back if you can manage it, and get away as soon as you can so he can cool off. (More on this in previous post “My Boss Screams at Me – Is That OK?“)
- Create whatever workarounds you can for yourself so as not to deal with truly awful bosses more than is necessary. But if at all possible, don’t isolate yourself from co-workers or people in other areas. They may be your salvation.
- If your boss is hard to communicate with or lacks focus, bring your ideas to him in a written format with some diagrams or in an attractive easy-to-understand PowerPoint presentation format. Not only does this mean he can keep them to look at later or ask others about, but, if he is a notorious idea stealer, you have the originals – just in case.
- But – and I say this cautiously – some bosses need to take ownership of all ideas that come from their workers and, depending on the situation, you might have to learn to deal with this too. Just make sure you casually let others know how excited you are that your boss liked YOUR idea. And keep networking because once you’ve put in some time and paid your dues, it may be time to look elsewhere. And feel free to list those ideas he “borrowed” on your resume since you have the original documents.
- Save your boss’ butt or bail him out (as discreetly as possible) if you see he’s about to make a big mistake you can help prevent. What did I just say??? I know some of you are raising an eyebrow at this one, but it serves two purposes: to gain his trust and to show company loyalty which OTHERS will see. (And it doesn’t hurt to do a little discreet PR for yourself.) Even if your boss is awful, companies reward team players and shun those who aren’t.
- OK. Now for those of you that think I am being way too nice, I think you’ll like this one. I once used it. Help encourage a bad boss to move on by helping support his feelings that he isn’t being appreciated by HIS boss. Bad bosses are often known to their superiors, even if we don’t see it. I once had a boss who was miserable and he made the rest of us miserable – and so every chance possible when I heard him talk about going elsewhere, I encouraged the thought. And he eventually left. For a better job and more money. So we all won!
Still, the main point of all this is that you can’t really “fix” a broken boss. Some bosses can manage and some just can’t. All you can do is figure out to the best of your own ability, how to make the situation work for you – until you can move on. And when you do, all the workarounds and techniques you’ve built up at this point will prove useful even in your new job – because there will invariably be something or someone you’d want to fix there too!
All environments require some type of adaptation. But in the end, even if YOU aren’t broken, you have the best chance of improving your work life if you think about what you can do to change things for yourself.
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New Work Coach Cafe Policy:
Although I had to stop answering individual questions (to preserve my sanity), as always your thoughts and stories are VERY welcome here.
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